


Only Place I Call Home

by parvusprinceps



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Blood, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Fluff, Happy Ending, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, M/M, Multiple Points of View, Past Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Private School, Self Harm, Slow Build, mention of suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-15
Updated: 2014-09-12
Packaged: 2018-01-01 13:52:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 13
Words: 31,137
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1044729
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/parvusprinceps/pseuds/parvusprinceps
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Another year, another school. Castiel finds himself in a private school for his senior year of high school and wants to fly under the radar until graduation. That is until he partnered with the gorgeous Dean Winchester in his chemistry class. As a nervous blind date blossoms into a beautiful relationship, he and Dean work together against all odds to help each other fight their demons and learn how to love.</p><p>"You give me hope, Castiel." Dean continued, a tear streaming down his face. </p><p>He felt Castiel grab his hand, "Dean?"</p><p>"Yeah?"</p><p>"I love you."</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The New Kid

It was a sweltering September morning as Castiel approached the solid oak doors of Campbell Academy. The first day was always nerve-racking, particularly for new students on a full-ride scholarship. Unfortunately, the title "scholarship kid" came with a fairly negative stigma.

 _Poor. Nerd. Geek._ These words rang through Cas's consciousness and sent nervous chills down his spine. High school hasn't been good to Cas so far, and the mere thought of entering another could hallway glued his feet to the ground with anxiety. 

As Castiel pushed the heavy doors, a cacophony of laughter, conversation, and failed attempts to discipline assaulted his ears. Cas took note that these halls smelled less like the desperation of public school and more like upper-middle class. He stood in the atrium attempting to absorb the majesty of the building. The slate gray and white marble tile floor shone perfectly on the dark cherrywood tables on both sides of the room. The tables stood below large mirrors and held beautiful, blue china vases of brilliant red roses. As Cas stood wrapped in awe, he felt a tap on his shoulder. 

Castiel looked down to see a short, dark-haired girl with skin of porcelain and dark, devious eyes. 

"Whatcha gawkin' at, blue eyes?" the girl finally spoke. 

Her entire demeanor made Cas uncomfortable. Her appearance made her seem very sweet and almost innocent, but her tongue was sharp and unforgiving. 

"Oh, right. How incredibly rude of me," the sultry tone of her voice melted over Cas's ear drums. "The name's Meg." Meg stuck her hand out and waited for Cas to shake it, but his nerves were paralyzed. 

"Okay then," breathed Meg, defeated as she dropped her hand. "Well, you look lost. I was going to see if you needed anything, like a tour of the campus, a map...maybe some social skills."

"I-I apologize." Cas finally choked out. "Honestly, you frighten me."

The girl snorted, "I promise I don't bite too hard."

Meg seized Cas's hand and forced him into the highway of students. Meg's incredibly large personality proceeded her as the waves of students parted to let her by. After going through a labyrinth of hallways, Meg came to a sudden stop, causing Cas to crash into her. Without acknowledging the assault, Meg pointed a slender finger at the doorway in front of them.

"Here's the office. I'll stay here while you get your ducks in a row. Schedule, map, locker number and combination -- make sure you have those. Alright?" Cas nodded and turned the silver knob. 

"I don't think I caught your name, sweetheart?" Meg called. 

"Castiel Novak," replied Cas. 

Cas spent what seemed like ages in the registrar's office. Luckily, all of his transcripts and paperwork had arrived on time, but Cas was too soft-spoken to actually alert anyone of his presence . He merely sat on the waiting bench hoping that someone would acknowledge him. 

Unfortunately, after ten minutes, Cas realized his hopes were in vain. He stood up silently and strode to the front desk, intently staring at the busy woman behind it. 

"Jesus Christ!" the woman shouted, finally noticing Cas.

"No, my name is Castiel Novak," Cas corrected. "I'm a new student and am here to pick up my schedule, a map of campus, and my locker number and combination." 

The receptionist adjusted her bun of gray hair and suggestively reapplied her ruby-red lipstick. "I'll see what I can do, handsome," then winked. 

Swallowing his discomfort, Castiel sat back down on the bench with his hand in his lap, trying to forget the secretary's flirtation. Doubt began to creep into his body.  _Maybe I should have stayed in public school_ , he thought. It made sense; he didn't have to impress anyone like he felt pressured to here. 

As his self-esteem began to crumble, a raspy voice brought Cas back to reality. 

"Hey, sweet cheeks," the receptionist beckoned. "Here's all your paperwork."

He thanked her and walked as hastily as he could out of the office without appearing rude. 

Meg was impatiently waiting, as promised. Her khaki skirt swayed slightly as she tapped her foot. She was small but capable, and Cas wanted to stay on her good side. 

"Took ya long enough, Clarence." Meg spat.

"It's Castiel." Cas gently reminded her.

"Yeah, yeah, I know." Meg waved off his correction and snatched his papers. "You've got a full semester on your hands, sweetheart. Chemistry, British literature, calculus, _and_ economics? Zero electives? I do  _not_ envy you."

Cas just shrugged; that was a light academic load for him. 

"So here's what's gonna happen," explained Meg with a hand on her hip. "I'll take you to the hot spots like the library, the quad, the dining hall...things like that. Then, I'll take you to your first class, which seems to be chemistry. Don't worry, I'll be there at the end to take you to your next class."

Cas smiled and nodded, making sure to use as few words as possible.

"Don't strain yourself with conversation, blue eyes." Meg reclaimed Cas's hand and the tour began.

 

 

********************

 

The bell rang shortly after Meg and Castiel began their tour, but Meg wasn't concerned so neither was Cas. She showed him every thing she promised. Cas was particularly impressed with the library. On his nights off from work, he knew he would be held up in there. 

Meg sauntered her way to room 490 matching Cas's first period chemistry class.

"I'll be right across the hall there," Meg pointed. "Don't run off without me. You hear me, Clarence?"

"It's-I mean, yes. I won't leave this hall without you." Castiel agreed as the petite brunette cracked devious saccharine smile while opening the door to what Cas assumed was her class. 

 _Stay on her good side, Cas_ , he reminded himself.  _She's your only lifeline_. 

Castiel hesitantly opened the door to his own classroom. He felt beads of sweat forming on his brow, his hands became clammy, and his stomach was tied the the most nauseating knots. He crossed the threshold, praying there was a garbage can nearby. He stumbled into class, quickly straightened himself, and habitually brushing off his khakis. Castiel looked at the teacher with wide, nervous eyes wishing his entrance was less embarrassing. That seemed to be the story of his life. 

The teacher's face cracked into a smile, "Can I help you with something?"

Cas's mouth couldn't find the words as the audience of students stared at him. 

"Um," Cas managed. "I'm in this class. I'm also, uh, new here, and...um..." The low, gruff tone of Cas's voice was enough to cause the girls in the room to swoon and begin plotting how to approach him.

"How exciting!" the teacher exclaimed. 

She was a kind woman; Cas could tell. Her excitement was genuine, and he felt a bit more at ease. Her hair was golden and wavy, and her eyes were a piercing blue. How is she teaching high school chemistry? 

"How about you introduce yourself and then we'll get you settled in, okay?" Her voice cooed.

Cas nodded and said, "I'm Castiel Novak," and waved his hand while the girls giggled about how "exotic" his name sounded. 

"Now, as you can see," the instructor began, "we are seated in pairs. The person you sit next to will be your lab partner for the rest of the semester. Luckily, we have one last seat open next to Mr. Winchester." She pointed to back right corner.

Cas took his seat and pulled out a notebook. He was already, at least, thirty minutes behind and needed to catch up.

"Hey, man." A low voice whispered. 

Cas turned only to be met with the most beautiful green eyes. 

"Uh, uh..." Cas breathed. "Um, hello."

"So, you're new in town?" Dean asked.

Cas's only response was his awkward demeanor as he couldn't tear his eyes away from his new lab partner's. 

"I'm Dean, by the way." Dean attempted one last time.

"N-Nice to meet you. I'm-" Cas started.

"Cas." Dean interrupted.

"Castiel." Cas corrected.

"I'm gonna call you Cas." Dean said decidedly. 

Cas smiled awkwardly. It was all he could manage as his emotions warred between wanting the bell to ring and never wanting to leave. As much as he wanted to stay, he needed relief from the invasion of butterflies in his stomach.

"The bell is about to ring. You wanna meet up for lunch? I mean, we are lab partners; we might as well get to know each other." Dean asked.

Cas had to absorb all of this. He didn't know how Meg would react, and Cas wanted to keep her around. She was growing on him. On the other hand, he couldn't go through his senior year with one friend, especially one who made him feel strangely uneasy.

"Sounds good." Cas replied with a shy smile.

Cas felt his face growing warm. Why was he blushing? He never blushes.

"You okay, man?" Dean asked, concern heavy in his voice. "You look like you have a fever."

The bell sounded, and Cas couldn't leave quickly enough. "See you at lunch!" he called to his green-eyed lab partner.

Cas had barely made it past the doorway when he realized that he had left his school bag in the classroom.  _How embarrassing_ , he thought. After making such a hasty and rude exit, Cas had to go back and retrieve his bag.

With his head down, heavy with embarrassment, Cas walked back toward the classroom. Suddenly, Cas ran into something, something rather solid. 

 _Just can't catch a break, can I?_ Cas thought to himself as he looked up to meet Dean's soft gaze.

"You left this." Dean said, handing Cas his light brown messenger bag.

"Thanks." Cas muttered as he broke eye contact. Why was this so difficult for him? Cas knew he was awkward, but at least he was able to converse with people. But Dean Winchester made even the shortest sentence difficult to muster.

"I'll see you at lunch, then. Bye, Cas!" Dean said as he headed down the hall.

Cas felt eyes burning into the back of his head. He turned to be met by Meg's now-smoldering eyes.

"So," Meg purred. "You got the hots for ol' Dean-O?"

Cas's face grew warm. He knew he couldn't hide his blushing, but, dammit, he was going to try. 

"What do you mean? Dean-O who?" The words practically fell out of his mouth, and Cas knew how stupid he sounded.

Meg laughed, "Whatever you say, blue eyes."

 


	2. Maybe A Little More Than a Crush

Cas's next class went by quickly much to his dismay. Literature was his favorite subject, and it was a shame they didn't discuss much more outside of the syllabus. As Cas walked down the crowded hallway after class was dismissed, he felt the anxiety growing in the deepest pit of his stomach. Why was he so nervous to meet Dean? He coached himself through his nerves as he entered the clamorous cafeteria. Where did he get his food? How would he find Dean? Cas felt his head begin to spin until he felt a strong hand on his shoulder.

"Hey." A deep, gruff voice said. It was so near to Cas's ear that a bullet of adrenaline shot through his vertigo. 

"Dean?" Cas unknowingly shouted as the loudness of the room assaulted his eardrums. 

Dean grinned at Cas's disposition. So innocent and shy. "The line starts over there." Dean pointed toward the growing line of students. 

Cas watched as Dean effortlessly charmed the lunch ladies into giving him one extra piece of apple pie. All it took was a warm smile and a flirtatious wink, and the older women melted in his hands. Cas noticed Dean's hard jawline as he smiled at the cafeteria workers, covered in a light stubble that suggested Dean didn't have enough time to shave that morning. Dean glowed with a confidence that made Cas turn green in envy. It made Dean even more attractive, and Cas wasn't even sure why he was feeling like this. He had really never been romantically interested in someone, and the fact that he had these feelings for another man made his stomach turn with unfamiliarity.

He followed Dean to a vacant table toward the back of the dining hall, which Cas's shy, quiet nature appreciated.

"So, what brings you to South Dakota?" Dean asked. God, he was handsome. He had relatively sharp and angular features wrapped in golden, freckled-dusted skin. His light brown hair was cut short, almost like a solider, but his eyes were soft and bright like a child. Cas shook the thoughts from his head. 

"My apologies, Dean." His name gave Cas goosebumps. "My mind was elsewhere. What was the question?"

Dean smiled, "What brings ya to South Dakota?"

"Family issues, mainly," Cas answered with unexpected honesty.

Cas felt his eyes widen and his cheeks blush.  _Shut up!_  He yelled at himself.

"I'm not gonna pry," Dean said reassuringly. "Regardless, Campbell is very lucky have you."

Cas's face began to glow. He had been told that phrase numerous times since his acceptance, but none stirred the physical response that Dean's had. 

They spent the rest at the lunch period talking, laugh, and getting to know each other. Cas didn't know what it was about Dean, but he felt very comfortable and safe with him. 

The bell rang, and Cas felt the disappointment overtaking his face.

"Hey," Dean gently took his arm. "I'll see you tomorrow."

The red glow returned to Cas's face as Dean walked away. Cas tried to imagine Dean's strong muscle rippling under his blazer, which spurred a tingling in his stomach. Cas hadn't realized how long he had been daydreaming until he saw that the dining hall was empty, and Meg was leaned against the exit, laughing. 

 

~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~

 

Dean sighed as he tossed his backpack into the trunk of his '67 Chevy Impala. The first day of school always exhausted him, and academics weren't really his thing. He looked forward to getting back to the garage and fixing up cars with Bobby. That's what he was good at and what he loved. First days also brought new faces in the hallways of Campbell Academy. Being the great-grandson of the founder, Dean found himself the victim of hordes of gold-digging girls, which doesn't seem like a problem for a teenage boy. However, Dean didn't have the funds they thought he did and had accepted his sexuality after he moved in with Bobby and Jody three years ago. 

John Winchester, his father, was appalled at Dean's homosexuality and kicked him out, forcing Sam, Dean's brother, to choose between Dean and his father. Sam had a rocky relationship with his dad, making the decision easier than he thought. Bobby and Jody took the boys in with open arms and accepted Dean for who he was. Over the three years he has lived with Bobby, Dean learned to be open and confident with his sexuality. However, the new freshman girls didn't know that, which made rejecting their affection rather awkward.

Dean waited for Sam inside the Impala, blasting Aerosmith. It was Sam's first day of high school, and Dean knew he was excited. Sam loved school and wanted to be a lawyer some day, but he was nervous to be in high school. It was bigger and he didn't know anyone, but Dean had told him that he would be fine. Judging by the huge grin on Sam's face as he approached that car, Dean knew he was right.

"How'd it go Sammy?" Dean asked as Sam slid into the passenger's seat.

"Amazing!" Sam cheered and began to describe his day.

Dean couldn't help but smile at Sam's enthusiasm. He loved the kid and didn't know what he would do without him. 

"What about you, Dean?" Sam smiled at him. 

"Oh, you know... the usual." Dean said unconvincingly. 

His day was anything but ordinary. He kept thinking of his gorgeous lab partner. Castiel had striking, crystal blue eyes and a lean build. His hair was dark brown and messy which made his light skin tone stand out even more. Dean had never been so attracted to someone so quickly, and he found himself trying to keep his hands to himself.

Sam gave him a sly smile, "Sure, Dean."

"Shut up, bitch." Dean teased.

"Jerk," retorted Sam.

Dean pulled up to the house and parked the Impala. The boys were greeted by the city Sheriff, Jody Mills. She and Bobby had gotten pretty close over the years, but Bobby refused to have a formal wedding, despite Jody's constant nagging. She had been the boys' surrogate mother while they lived with Bobby, and she did a hell of a job. Today, she welcomed them home with pizza rolls.

"Thanks," said Dean thoughtfully, taking a pizza roll and kissing her cheek.

Dean took to Jody fairly quickly because he had lost his mother, Mary, in a house fire when he was four. Sam was only six-months old, so he had no time to develop memories with his mom. It was safe to say that both boys loved her as if she was their biological mother. 

"Where's Bobby?" Dean asked after throwing his backpack on the brown leather couch. 

"At the garage," Jody laughed. "Where else would he be?"

Dean smiled. If he wasn't so tired, he would drive to the shop and help Bobby fix up the old muscle cars. But school sapped all his energy and his focus was on Castiel's deep blue eyes. His mind couldn't forget the shy boy, for the first time since elementary school, Dean was looking forward to school.

He grabbed his bag from the couch and went quickly to his room, not wanting his family to know just how love-struck he was. Dean was more accustom to minimal commitment flings, and he knew this feeling was vastly different than anything he had ever felt. To be honest, he was a little afraid of these feelings. They were almost too intense for him to process, and he hadn't had to face the feelings in a long time. As much as he knew he needed to talk about them, Dean would break his number one rule: no chick flick moments. 

A knock shook him from his thoughts, "Come in," he allowed.

Jody quickly entered the room with a wicked grin on her face. She sat down next to Dean on the bed and looked him dead in the eye, "So," she started, confidence ringing in her voice, "what's his name?"


	3. Happiness is Always Deserved

Dean felt flush, "What's whose name?"

Jody wasn't having it. Her mother's intuition was much too strong, and Dean knew it, but he refused to yield. 

"Dean," she cooed. "You obviously need, maybe even _want_ , to talk about it."

 _Dammit_ , Dean thought to himself. She was good. 

"His name is Cas-Castiel. I didn't catch his last name." Dean said, quietly.

Jody's eyes lit up as Dean described Castiel. She could tell that Dean had serious feelings for the blue-eyed boy. She wanted nothing more than for Dean to be happy, and she had never seen such genuine happiness from her surrogate son since he has lived with them. 

"He sounds lovely," Jody said, patting Dean's back. "You should invite him over sometime."

Dean cracked a half smile, finally feeling completely accepted for the first time in his life. 

 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

 

Cas walked to the local bookstore after school where he met his brother, Gabriel. Gabriel owned the store and let Castiel live in the loft space about the store free-of-charge. However, groceries and basic utilities are a necessity, so Cas had a part-time job as a check-out clerk or, as Gabriel called it, "a glorified librarian". Despite Gabe's teasing, Castiel loved his job; it didn't even feel like actual work, and Gabriel paid well. 

He set his messenger bag behind the check out desk and took out a few notebooks just in case he had to start any homework. None of it was due anytime soon, but Cas liked to budget his time as efficiently as possible.

"What's up, Cassie?" Gabriel, clapping Castiel's shoulder and nearly knocking him over. 

"I see you've been working out, haven't you, Gabe?" Cas said cheerfully. 

"No, you're just a wimp," Gabriel teased, noticing Cas's school books on the desk. "...who is already starting his homework? Are you kidding me, Castiel?"

Gabriel's tone was strong, but Cas knew he was joking.

"Is any of this even due soon?" Gabriel questioned, raising a mischievous brow. 

"Well, not exactly, but -" Cas started.

"Cassie," the mood shifted slightly as Gabriel's voice took on a more serious tone. "I know keeping the scholarship is important, but please remember to have fun too."

Cas smiled at his brother's sincerity. It was moments like these that reminded Cas that Gabriel had a heart.

"I will," Cas replied. 

"Good because no one likes a wet blanket."

And there went the sentimental moment, and Cas couldn't help but grin. 

"Don't forget to lock up before you go upstairs," instructed Gabriel as he left the store. 

Castiel had worked here for most of the summer, so he knew what his brother expected of him. The store perfectly reflected his brother's extravagant personality. Tall, dark wooden bookshelves lined the opposite wall and created evenly-spaced rows perpendicular to it. Any exposed drywall was painted a brick red, mustard yellow, or olive green which created a warm, cozy atmosphere. The rain-scented incense burned on a small zen table at the front of the store, intensifying the relaxed mood. 

Castiel practically danced through the rows of bookshelves as he dusted them off. He thrived in this type of environment. He had no one to please and he was surrounded by the things he loved most: books. Each story was an escape for Cas. Especially after his father left, Cas needed a coping method, and books provided that. When he read a book, Cas was allowed to avoid confronting the intense emotions of his reality and lived vicariously through the protagonist. 

Castiel was wiping down the check-out counter when the first customers came in. He shrugged off his blazer, hanging in on the chair behind the counter, and attached his name tag. He flashed the woman and the boy, who Cas assumed to be her son, a welcoming smile and laughed as the boy took off to explore the shelves.

"Sam, please only pick one this time," the woman chastised after her son.

Cas felt a cocktail of nostalgia and happiness brew in his stomach as he watched the boy examine each book carefully. Sam's hazel eyes widened with wonder as he began reading first few pages.

"Excuse me," the woman said politely, snapping Cas's attention back to actuality.

"Uh, yes. My apologies, ma'am. What can I help you with?" Cas said with a confidence that was only present for work. 

"Do you know Dean Winchester?"

Cas felt his heart skip a beat and his throat go dry, briefly laboring his breath. Why is his knowing Dean of any importance to anyone?

"Why...yes. We go to the same school. He's my partner - uh,  _lab_ partner." Cas replied, rapidly and shakily. 

The woman's eye lit up, "Hi, I'm Jody Mills. I'm the sheriff here in town. Dean and Sam are my...sons." Cas noticed how soft and motherly her gaze became when she said "sons". He hadn't seen so much love in one look in all his life. 

"Please to meet you, Sheriff Mills," Cas said and shook her hand.

"Call me Jody," she insisted. "Anyway, Dean told me about you. He seems rather fond of you."

Cas blushed, "Did he? That's, um, awfully kind of him." He was trying his best not to squeal like a little girl. 

"I'm probably stepping over some kind of line, but would you like to come over for dinner on Friday?"

Castiel stared as he felt the blood in his veins freeze. Dean's mother was asking him  to dinner for Dean?  _Was Dean that nervous? Did Dean even know? Oh God, what if Dean doesn't know?_ These are the questions, among others, that shot through Cas's brain as he accepted Jody's offer. 

Jody beamed as Sam approached her with a stack of six books.

Jody sighed, "Sam, I told you only one." The sheriff ended up smiling as she got her credit card out to pay for _all_ the books. 

 

****************

 

Castiel couldn't stop smiling as he locked up the doors to the bookstore. He had a dinner date with Dean, albeit as Jody's discretion, but he would take what he could get. But then it hit him, why was he so excited? Castiel had never stayed one place very long, so he never really knew what it meant to have a relationship outside of his siblings or what it was supposed to feel like. These feelings were foreign and a little terrifying to Cas. Dean made him nervously excited. When he sees Dean, he doesn't know how to act. Cas wanted his attention, but when he got it, he wanted to throw up.

Castiel cringed at the memory of the feeling as he gathered his school books and went up the stairs to his loft. The space was laid out much like a studio apartment. The living are, kitchen, and bedroom flowed between each other, making it feel surprisingly cozy. Each section had its own color scheme. Cas's room consisted of earthy tones, the living room was a shade of light blue, and the kitchen was a vibrant yellow. The atmospheres intertwined and mingled creating a space that was uniquely Castiel's. 

He tossed his messenger bag on his bed. He had finished a week's worth of homework between customers that day, so he rewarded himself with a frozen T.V. dinner. It wasn't his ideal meal but Cas had been neglecting going to the store because of the couple weeks leafing up the first day of school. Cas flicked on the television, rolling his eyes as he skipped over  _Dr. Sexy M.D._ "Such a pointless show," he mumbled as he settled on a History Channel documentary of Heaven and Hell.

Castiel couldn't focus on anything if his life depended on it. At least while he was working he was distracted, but now he had all the time in the world to memorize the different shades of green in Dean's eyes. 

 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

 

"You. Did. What?!" Dean shouted at the dinner table. 

"I invited him for dinner on Friday," Jody said with decisiveness , not looking up from her plate.

"Did it ever occur to you that maybe  _I_ wanted to ask him? When  _I_   was ready?"

"You would never have done it, Dean. He makes you way too nervous." Jody retorted.

The anger drained from Dean's eyes. His features became stiff and he swallowed hard. Jody knew him too well, so well that it nearly frightened him. 

"That's not the point." Dean managed as he cut his eyes toward Sam who was laughing at the other end of the table. "Shut your cake hole, Sam!"

"Hey, I never get to see you this flustered; let me have this." Sam gasped between fits of laughter.

Dean clenched his jaw and gritted his teeth. He just wanted his relationship with Castiel to progress at his discretion.

"Well, it would be rude to cancel now." Jody said with a smug smile on her face. 

Dean just glared as he stormed off to his room. 

He paced back and forth as he tried to untangle the knots in his stomach. He wasn't in control of anything and it made him feel uneasy. Sure, he wanted to get to know Cas. Hell, he was ready to ask the guy out, and that's probably what scared him the most. But it was Dean's job to do the asking, not Jody's. He barely knew Cas, but he was so comfortable with him. It was like Cas had been protecting him his whole life, like a guardian angel. Dean chuckled as he remembered his mom telling him that angels were watching over him.

"Hey, Dean?" a voice broke through his memory. 

"Yeah, Sammy?" _  
_

"I know it's none of my business, but I'm going to make it my business. Now, I don't know what Castiel did to you, but this is the first time I think I've ever seen you happy."

"Come on, Sam. I've been happy before."

"Really, Dean?" Sam's eyes were completely focused on his brother. "Because I've never seen you like this. I realize that dad put a ton of pressure on you to watch out for me, and I think you've done a pretty good job. But Bobby and Jody can take care of me. That burden isn't yours anymore - "

"It was  _never_ a burden taking care of you!" Dean began to raise his voice.

"Dammit, Dean! You're missing the point. It's okay for you to be happy; you're allowed to feel like you're worth something."

Sam knew how to hit Dean where it hurt. He always knew that his little brother knew more than he let on, and it was times like this when Dean was reminded of that fact. At the same time, Dean was grateful that he knew because it was moments like these that have talked Dean away from the edge more times than he's comfortable with remembering.

Dean pulled Sam into a big bear hug and whispered, "I know, Sammy. I know."

 


	4. Stay With Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Allow me to apologize profusely for not updating for about five months. I had a horrible case of writer's block, then I had finals. BUT NOW, I have plenty of time and will hopefully be updating every two weeks starting today. Every other Sunday evening. 
> 
> So, I hope you like the update! Constructive feedback, reviews, and comments are always welcome. :)
> 
> Also, just as a note the "*~*~*~*~" break represents a change in Point of View and the "*****" break represents a shift FORWARD in time. Just so there is no confusion.

The rest of the week passed unreasonably slow for Castiel. He couldn't remember the last time he was so excited for school to be over. As the final bell rang, Cas raced out the door. He had planned ahead by keeping all his books in his messenger bag, so he wouldn't have to waster the precious few minutes it took to get them out of his locker. 

He burst through the solid oak doors and practically sprinted across the parking lot, planning the quickest route to his loft. While he wasn't paying attention, Cas ran right into another student. 

"Watch it, Clarence," Meg laughed. "What's the rush, anyway?"

Castiel hesitated for a moment. He always got nervous when talking about Dean to Meg. He had managed to avoid telling her of their "date" until now. 

"I-I have a date..." Cas stammered.

Meg's eye lit up in amusement, "Ya don't say? Let me guess, ol' Dean-o?"

Cas's face ignited in a firework of red, "Yes, with...Dean-o."

Meg grinned one of the most devious grins Castiel had ever seen, and he couldn't help but shiver. 

"Knowing you, you'll probably need some help with...well, just about everything, so which way are we headed?" she purred.

Castiel gestured toward his normal route to the bookstore. 

******************

 

"You actually live in a bookstore? I know you were a nerd, blue eyes, but I didn't know it was this bad." Meg proclaimed as they entered the bookstore.

Castiel just rolled his eyes and sighed as he opened the door.

Gabriel popped his head around a bookshelf, "Hey, Cassie! Who is your ravishing friend?" Gabriel practically slithered toward the two teenagers, checking out every inch of Meg.

"Not in your dreams, blondie," Meg hissed. 

"Oh, she's feisty, Castiel. I like her."

Cas sighed, "She's here to help me get ready for a date." Castiel had also refrained from telling Gabriel about Dean and his date.

"A date?" Gabriel raised an eyebrow. "With who?"

"His name is Dean Winchester," Meg purred.

"Castiel!" Gabriel exclaimed. "You never told me you played for the other team?"

 _I didn't really know either_. Cas thought to himself. He just smiled at his brother who grabbed him and pushed him up the stairs.

However, with each step, Castiel became very aware of tonight's events. The gravity of the situation began to weigh down on his shoulders. Not only was this his and Dean's first date, but he was going to meet Dean's family. As if that wasn't enough, this was one of the only moments that Castiel could remember even being attached to anyone, and he didn't realize how terrifying it all was until it all settled in his stomach. 

Cas swallowed his fear and doubt as Meg and Gabriel argued over which shirt brought Cas's eyes out the most.

"Cassie," Gabriel shouted, "which one would you pick?" He stood holding two button-up shirts: one bright white shirt and the other sky blue.

"The blue one," Castiel replied quickly.

Meg huffed, obviously hoping he would have chosen the white shirt, "At least wear a white v-neck under it."

Castiel nodded and took the clothes to the bathroom to change. After changing, Castiel carefully examined every aspect of his person. Besides the hurricane of terror and anxiety churning with the acids in his stomach, he wanted to make the best impression he could. He let his mind wonder while brushed his teeth as his head filled with the possible outcomes of the date. He imagined holding Dean, having his head rest against Castiel's chest as his heartbeat lulled Dean to sleep. He thought of the soft, tender look Dean gives him when he has all of his attention. He imagined what it would be like to kiss Dean... That thought ignited a series of explosions within Castiel. He felt Dean's strong hands cradle his face as he looked as Castiel as if he were a precious gem. A look full of admiration, lust, and primal hunger that sent a jolt of electricity straight down Cas's spine. 

A knock at the door tore Castiel from his fantasies, "Let's go, blue eyes. You're gonna be late."

He grunted in response as he adjusted his suddenly-tighter pants. 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"Dean! Calm down."

"How about you calm down, Sammy?" Dean shouted from the grill. Dean's nerves had been on edge since school let out and not even Sam could soothe him. He had been frantically cleaning the house and making grocery lists.

"Dean, I can't go get groceries," Sam complained.

"Why not?" Dean said, voice laced with frustration.

"First of all, you already asked Jody, and she left ten minutes ago. Second, I can't drive."

"What do you mean? You always want to drive the Impala. How old are you?"

"I'm 14, Dean," Sam practically shouted. "I think you need to chill out and breathe. Did you put the burgers on the grill?"

"Son of a bitch," Dean yelled.

"Breathe, Dean. You have plenty of time."

Dean took a deep breath, "Thanks, Sammy."

Sam smiled and helped organize the kitchen. Dean slipped on Jody's pink "Kiss the Cook" apron and walked out to the back porch to the grill. Burgers were Cas's favorite, and Dean wasn't half-bad at making them. 

The thought of having Castiel over made Dean more excited than nervous. Granted, he had been having mental breakdowns over the smallest details, but he just wanted this to be perfect. Castiel has been Dean's first real relationship since his dad kicked him out, and he was surprisingly ready to get back in the game.

"Hey Dean!" Jody called from the kitchen, just returning from the store.

"Out here." he replied from the porch. 

"What do you need me to help with?"

"You could start slicing the lettuce, tomatoes, and onions, if you don't mind. The burgers are almost done and Cas should be here any minute."

"Ay, Ay, captain," Jody saluted and returned to the kitchen.

Smiling as he put the last burger on the plate, he heard a car pull into the driveway, "Showtime."

 

***********************

 

There was a timid knock at the door that was drowned out by the chaos inside. Bobby found every way to impede on Dean and Jody's progress until he was finally exiled from the kitchen. Another shy knock attempted to echo from the door and barely reached Sam's ears, and he stood up to answer it.

"Hey, Cas." Sam said cheerfully.

"Hello, Sam. How are you doing?" Cas replied and smiled.

"Great, actually. Dean's been acting like a total girl all day because you were coming over for dinner."

Castiel glanced over at the kitchen and saw Dean feverishly organizing different plates, "The pink apron certainly doesn't help, does it?"

"I think it makes it better." Sam said, menacingly.

Dean could hear the conversation but couldn't find the time to yell at Sam. Castiel was here and dinner wasn't perfect yet. Dean placed the plates of various toppings out on the table while Jody got the condiments from the fridge

"This looks great," Jody whispered to Dean. 

He smiled, "Hey! Soup's on."

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

Castiel did his best to ignore the vertigo that suddenly overtook his senses. As ready as he felt when Gabriel drove him over here, that confidence had faded and was replaced a sickly feeling. 

"You gonna come sit down?" Sam asked.

"S-Sure." Cas managed, trying his best not to throw up on Sam.

"We don't bite; you'll be fine."

Sam's words were what Cas needed to hear, even if he wasn't convinced that it wasn't true. 

Cas took his seat, wiping his nervous, sweaty hands on his jeans. He smiled through the tension as the Singer-Winchester family vacantly stared at him.

"So," Sam shouted, trying to diffuse the tension, "how about this dinner, eh?"

The attention quickly shifted to Sam, and Castiel couldn't have been more grateful. He knew this break wouldn't last forever, but it was long enough for him to gather what little confidence he had. 

The family began to pass the food around as they discussed their days. For a while, Cas could get by with just smiling and nodding, but then the questions began to be directed at him.

"So, where are you from?"  
"What are your plans after high school?"  
"How's business at the book store?"  
Then like a roar above all the other questions: "So, how long ya been gay?"

The room fell silent as a fog of embarrassment settled on the dinner table. Bobby turned a particularly bright shade of red, leading Castiel to believe that he asked the question. Sam and Jody just stared at Bobby, mouths agape, while Dean looked at Cas with the most apologetic look in his eyes. Cas's mind seemed to race but no information was moving, almost like he was running in circles...until he snapped.

Castiel belted out the loudest laugh he probably ever had. The sheer ridiculousness of the question had intermingled with his overwhelming nerves, which resulted in this hideous, crazy laughter. After all his feelings subsided, Castiel re-evaluated everyone's faces. The embarrassment had faded and been replaced with a strange mixture of relief and confusion. Honestly, Cas had never really thought about his sexuality in such an matter-of-fact manner, but he could only think of one honest answer.

"To answer your question, Bobby," Castiel grinned. "As long as I can remember."

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

Amazing. Castiel was amazing. Dean was about to beat Bobby senseless for being so inconsiderate, but Cas handled it like a champ. That didn't surprise Dean. He had a feeling about him, one that made him melt and that scared him to death. He wasn't about to worry himself into a wreck. This was only his first date with Castiel, and he wasn't about ruin it. 

"How about we take a drive, Cas? Get some ice cream or somethin'." Dean suggested.

"That sounds perfect," Cas agreed with a smile that just turned his insides to jelly.

Dean fumbled around the door, distracted by Cas's million-dollar smile. "Heh, yeah. The door...was, uh, locked. Yeah, locked." Dean grinned nervously, too proud to admit that Castiel had such an effect on him.

Dean slid into the driver's seat, and the boys headed out. The ride was silent until Dean heard his passenger rummaging through his box of cassette tapes.

"House rules, Cas. Driver chooses the music; shotgun sh-" Dean said, completely out of habit. Sam was always telling him to update the radio in the Impala, so Dean was used to scolding him. Castiel was actually heolding an AC/DC cassette waiting for Dean to finish his sentence.

"I mean, you can-umm-we can listen to that. Uh, good choice."

 _Smooth, Dean. Smooth. You've only been driving two minutes and nearly insulted him_. He couldn't understand why he was so nervous. He had hooked up with plenty of guys. Granted, most only got to second base, but it's not a crime to be picky. There was something different about Castiel, and, more than anything, it made him nervous, and Dean Winchester doesn't get nervous. 

While Dean was lost in his thoughts, he was mindlessly taking directions from Cas, who swore he knew on of the best ice cream shops in town. When Dean pulled into parking spot, he noticed he was at the bookstore. 

"The hell we doin' here?" Dean asked, the anger in his tone was noticeable.

"I'm sorry if this is upsetting, and I'm not sure how a person acts when he likes someone, but I don't think this is it. You barely talked the whole time we drove; we took the scenic route to get here, just to give you some extra time to speak. Nothing-"

Dean cut him off, "Can we go inside? Give me five minutes."

With his instinctive and irritating eye roll, Castiel agreed.

Dean followed him through the entrance and up the stairs to Cas's loft. Cas set his keys on the kitchen counter and turned around, demanding answers from Dean with his now-menacing blue eyes. He was upset and had every right to be. Dean had showed anything but interest in Castiel since he arrived at his house, and now one the best things that has yet to happen to him was practically pushing him out the door. He was running out of time. He knew Cas would only let him have five minutes.

In a panic, Dean strode toward Cas with a new-found determination, cupped his face with surprisingly gentle hands, and kissed him. He felt the tension in his face and did his best to soften as the time went on. He felt Castiel resisting, probably out of shock, but he began to feel comfortable and placed his hand on the back of Dean's neck, demanding a deeper kiss. Dean listened and allowed himself to get lost in this feeling The feeling of newness and adoration. Something Dean hadn't ever felt. His and Cas's lips melted together as Castiel pulled him closer. He couldn't tell whether he was getting dizzy from lack of oxygen or the intoxication of Cas's lips, and then...it was over.

Castiel pulled away, revealing the blush Dean had come to love.

"I'm really sorry, Cas. Tonight was a wreck with Bobby's lack of a filter and my nervous making me, well, nervous. I haven't been the best host. Hell, I barely got through cooking dinner, and you weren't even there yet. And if I haven't already ruined my chance, I'd like to go on a real date. One without embarrassing family members. Just you and me." Dean began to ramble.

With the words just spilling out of Dean's mouth, he wasn't sure he was going to be able to stop. Until he felt the soft, warm, and newly familiar lips on his.

"I would love that, but I do have one question." Castiel said as he pulled away.

"And what's that?"

"Could you stay here? With me tonight?" 


	5. Gabriel's Gift

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Looks like I'll be updating every Sunday! Here's the new chapter. 
> 
> TW: violence, blood, mention of suicide

Castiel felt like he was about to throw up. Had he really just asked Dean Winchester to stay the night with him? He could feel the heat of anxiety and anticipation pulsing off of him while his dinner crept its way up his throat. He swallowed hard, trying to keep the burger where it belonged.

"You mean that, Cas?" Dean finally spoke. His green eyes practically glowing with excitement and what Castiel hoped was love.

"I feel like this date was a small mess. I mean, Jody set it up and helped prepare for it. I appreciate the gesture and I'm glad that she believes in us, but we didn't choose this. Now, I really like you, Dean. I have a habit of being numb to people, but I can feel that changing with you. But I also know that for something truly beautiful to come to be, it needs to take its time, and everything has its own timeline. The invitation I have extended to you marks the beginning of ours which we made at our own discretion, not Jody's." Castiel explained, surprised by his own assertiveness and honesty.

He saw Dean's eyes processing the information. The glow had subsided into a cold and calculating stare. Cas knew very little about Dean's dating history or the issues with his father. Actually, the more he thought about it, the more he realized how little he knew about Dean and the relationship he wanted with him. Cas had never really been attracted to anyone let alone trying to pursue a relationship with someone. Letting someone know all about who you are and what you've been through was not something he felt comfortable with, and he actually began regretting asking Dean that question. He didn't feel ready anymore.

"Cas?" Dean called, trying to get his attention.

"Yes?" Cas mumbled, disoriented from the emotional amusement park in his head.

"Bobby and Jody said it was this one time because it's getting late, but not to make a habit of it. But yeah, I can stay." Cas smiled, but his heart wasn't in it. It wasn't because he didn't want Dean; that was the only thing that he knew he wanted, but he was treading in unknown territory and had too many unanswered questions.

"What's wrong?" Dean asked, placing a comforting hand on Cas's shoulder. He didn't know how to answer. He was terrified, but he didn't want to lose whatever this was with Dean. Getting close to people was never his strong suit. Nothing has been stable in his life, and he honestly liked it that way. No relationships meant no attachments, which meant no one got hurt.

"Nothing." Castiel decided that response was more appropriate than spilling his heart out.

"I don't know what you've heard about me, Cas, but I'm not stupid. I know what it looks like when something is wrong, believe me." Dean reassured him. There was something about Dean's green eyes that just made Cas feel comfortable. They were so soft and sincere, like he was the only person that Dean cared about. 

Cas swallowed hard before speaking, "I'm terrified of this," Castiel gestured between himself and Dean. 

Dean smiled and took Castiel's hand, leading him to the couch, "That makes two of us, babe."

Cas felt a pinch in his stomach at the nickname.

"I've had one serious relationship in my life, and my dad abruptly ended it." Dean flinched and put a hand on his left forearm, almost as if to comfort himself. "We've gotta be there for each other though. You know, fight for each other. All in. Risking everything...feelings, fears, everything. That's what a relationship is. Honestly, if you weren't a little afraid, I would be surprised."

Castiel was speechless. He didn't know what he was expecting, but it wasn't anything like that. But he was right, and that fact didn't ease his fear. 

"Can I show you something?" Dean asked.

Castiel nodded as Dean took his hand again, trying to find Cas's bedroom. Dean moved the curtain that sectioned off the bedroom from the rest of the studio apartment. As Dean sat down he slipped off Castiel's button-up shirt, leaving his v-neck exposed.

"Don't worry. Nothing will happen that you don't want. You just need to let me know." Dean assured him. "Plus, you have a rockin' body." he winked.

Castiel grinned and blushed, which was something he was realizing only Dean could do, "what were you going to show me?"

Dean grabbed both of Castiel's hands and pulled him on top of him, "How to be vulnerable."

Before Cas could even think about the idea, he found himself getting lost in Dean's kiss. He let Dean's affection fill him from his head to his toes.

Dean pulled away and rested his forehead against Cas's, "Being strong all the time is exhausting. Relax."

As much as Castiel had daydreamed about a moment like this with Dean, he never thought it would happen so quickly. 

"Uh, Dean..." Cas stammered. "I'm not ready for this."

Dean chuckled, "Of course, you're not. I'm not either. It's the first date; what kind of tramp do you take me for?"

"I would never think that... I mean, you  _are_ staying the night..." Cas mumbled as he situated himself next to Dean.

"For one night because it's late, and Bobby and Jody trust me. Secondly, I completely intend on sleeping on the couch. And third, I was just joking. So, don't get all flustered. I don't care how cute you look." Dean replied.

Castiel couldn't help but smile. He completely misread Dean and his intentions. He stood up and rummaged through his dresser for himself and Dean.

"Change in the bathroom."

"Your loss," Dean quipped, leaving with a wink. 

After an eye roll, Castiel changed into his pajamas, sat on the bed, and waited he noticed a small gift bag on his bedside table. He pulled away the tissue paper to reveal a box of condoms and lube, which Cas promptly shoved in the drawer. A note fell out of the bag that read in all-too-familiar handwriting:

"Good luck!  
Love, Gabe"

Cas knew that Gabriel having a keying to the loft was a horrible idea, even if he did own it. 

"Cas, your PJs make me look ripped." Dean announced as Castiel shut the hole in the drawer.

It was true. Castiel's shirts were too small for Dean and accentuated each muscle of his toned upper body. Cas grinned to himself as he had purposefully found the smallest shirt he owned and offered it to Dean.

"Yes, it does," Cas agreed with a composed face, trying not to inflate Dean's ego. "So, what do you want to talk about?"

"Your favorite color." Dean replied without hesitation.

"Seriously? You want to know my favorite color?"

"I want to know everything about you."

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

The alarm clock rang at 6:45, and Sam was met with an unfamiliar sound. The shower was already on. Between Bobby managing his own business, Jody's crazy hours at the station, and Dean's laziness, Sam was usually the first person up in the morning, so Sam proceeded with caution. He crept down the hallway and held his ear toward the bathroom 

"I'm on a highway to hell!" Sam heard muffled by the running water and the door.

 _Dean? Is up before me?_  Sam thought to himself.

The shower stopped, and Sam froze in panic and frantically looked for a place to hide. The last thing Sam needed was Dean giving him hell about his overreacting to the slight shake up in the morning routine. The door began to open, and Sam pressed his back against the wall and covered his face with his hands.

He heard the door swing open and Dean's heavy footsteps start down the hall.

"I can still see you, Sammy." Dean taunted as he practically danced toward his room. "We're leaving in 30, so you might not have time to curl your hair." 

Same gave his brother the most impressive bitch face he could muster at seven in the morning and got in the shower.

_What has gotten into him?I_

 

*************************

 

The horn of the Impala rang in Sam's ears as he gritted his teeth in frustration.

"Come on, Sam. I said 30 minutes and its been 31." Dean shouted over the horn.

Sam rolled his eyes and straightened his tie and blazer. Dean could wait two more minutes. He wasn't the only one trying to impress someone. Sam brushed through his hair a few more times before Dean honked the horn again.

"Ugh! Fine, Dean!"

Sam threw his bag in the trunk and slammed it.

"Hey! Baby is sensitive." Dean chastised.

Sam scoffed as he sat in the passenger seat, "What's your deal, anyway?"

"What are you talking about?"

"Being up before me  _and_ being happy about it, leaving about 20 minutes before we usually do... it's Cas, isn't it?"

Dean blushed, causing Sam to bust out laughing.

"Oooh, you've got it _so_  bad, Dean!"

"Shut your hole, Sam." Dean commanded as the vibrant red practically radiated from his face.

"I mean, I can't say I'm surprised. You two spent pretty much all weekend together. Even spent that one night together." Sam waggled his eyebrows.

"Please, nothing happened." 

Sam's mouth fell open, "No sex, uncontrollable blushing, and... is that new cologne? Dare I say, Dean Winchester is in love?"

His older brother laughed, "Too soon to tell, Sammy."

"I'm calling bullshit."

Dean smiled and messed up Sam's hair, "Watch your mouth."

"Well, you know what we're going to have to talk about now, right?" Sam stated, ushering in a serious tension. 

Dean's face fell, and he sighed.

"You can't just ignore dad. He  _does_ exist."

"Not in my world."

"Dean-"

"Enough, Sam."

The silence made Sam sick. He knew Dean couldn't just omit parts of his past, especially the ones including his father. As much as Dean will deny it, Sam was there that nigh when John caught Dean and Michael. He opened the door of the ratty motel room, so Michael could get without injury. He watched as his father beat down his brother, his hero. What is an eleven-year-old to do in that situation? He remembered John interrogating him.

"Did you know, Sam?!" The memory screamed. He felt his father's angry hands grab the collar of his shirt and the stench of alcohol growing stronger with each passing second. The vivid memory kept playing as a bloody Dean tore Sam away from their drunk father and stood between them.

"You don't t-touch him." The vision of Dean's voice shook with rage as he laid out John with the last of his energy and crumbled to the floor.

"Sammy?" an echo called. "Sam! You okay?"

He felt as if he had stopped breathing as his sense adjusted to the reality of the Impala and Campbell's parking lot. He also felt a couple of tears cascade down his face and quickly wiped them away, "I just wish you would talk about it."

"I can't."

"Why?" Sam yelled, nearly shaking with frustration.

"Because," Dean paused. "He's my dad. He was having a bad night. He wouldn't do it again."

Acknowledging the wasn't the time or place to discuss this, Sam let the conversation end there, for now. Dean's recovery from this confrontation with their father always puzzled Sam, and he often debated just how useful the therapy was. One minute, Dean hated his father; the next, he was making excuses for him. Regardless, John didn't want to love or accept Dean if it meant loving and accepting a gay son. Sam knew that hurt his brother in a way that he would never understand. Walking in on Dean attempting suicide a few months ago only emphasized that point.

Sam began walking toward the school, watching Dean every step of the way. He watched as all of Dean's worries melt when he saw Castiel. His brother was happy, genuinely happy, and something told that he would be thanking Cas for that for the rest of his life.

With a new sense of contentment settled in his stomach, Sam focused his attention on getting to his AP biology class until he crashed into someone.

"You're surprisingly solid, Winchester." A voice laughed.

Sam looked down to find a dark-haired girl sprawled on the ground. "Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry. I didn't even see you. Is that a skateboard? I don't think you're supposed to have those here."

"And I don't think you're supposed to be that freakishly tall either, yet here you are." The girl grinned. 

She was beautiful. He long, dark brown hair framed her pale face and deep brown eyes. And her smile...was positively radiant.

"Uh, I don't mean to be rude, but I don't think we've met, but you evidently know who I am." Sam said and immediately regretted it.

 _Way to sound like an elitist ass, Sam_. He thought as he maintained a confident grin.

"Everyone knows you and no one knows me," she said with a very matter-of-fact tone. "I'm Ruby."

 


	6. Love Has a Face

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry this is a day late. I finished it early this morning and couldn't keep myself awake. BUT it's here now. 
> 
> A little note - the flashback was inspired by a song I listened to and felt described the Winchester brother's relationship incredibly well. The song is "Not Alone" by Red, and I would encourage everyone to go take a listen then begin this chapter. 
> 
> Anyway, here we go!
> 
> TW: blood, violence

_3 years ago..._

 

Sam observed as Dean and Michael watched T.V. in the old motel room. His dad was out, drinking more than likely. That's all he seemed to do after Mary died. Anger. Alcohol. Anger. Alcohol. Those were the only words that made up John's reality. They didn't find a new house after the fire; they just moved to wherever John wanted to run away from his problems. It was South Dakota this week. 

Sam knew this wouldn't last forever, not for him anyway. He was going to college and that was the only thing that kept him going. He worried about Dean, though. This blind loyalty that his brother had for his father meant that Dean would always live this life. Sneaking around to meet Michael, moving away from Michael, and, most importantly, not being able to embrace who he is. That's what Dean had to look forward to, a life of deceit and misery, and he was fine with it.

It hurt Sam, but he kept his mouth shut. He had seven more years to convince Dean that this is no way to live. There were people who loved him and wanted him to be happy no matter what. 

There was a thud outside. Sam wasn't sure if he actually heard something or if it was just paranoia, and he didn't want to worry Dean for no reason. He glanced at his brother and noticed that his were watching the door like he was waiting for his executioner. 

"Dean..." Sam started.

"I know, Sammy."

Dean's face was stoic, and bravery replaced the fear in his eyes. Maybe Sam wouldn't have to convince him of anything.

"Sam, if things get messy, you get somewhere he can't get you, okay?" Dean warned.

Sam nodded, planning routes to the bathroom and the closet near the door.

As an obviously-drunk John fumbled with the key-card, Sam saw Dean grab Michael's hand. The door swung open, quickly followed by the stench of alcohol and sweat.

"What the hell is this?" John yelled, gesturing toward the boys.

" _His_ name's Michael, and he's my -" Dean swallowed his fear, "-boyfriend."

"Your  _what_?" The anger rising in his tone. 

Dean remained silent.

"I could have swore you said boyfriend." his father taunted, taking a step closer to Dean. "And I know that can't be right because I raised a man, not a faggot." He was now only inches away from Dean.

With his blood boiling, Dean pursed his lips and bit his tongue in an attempt to keep things as civil as possible. He had Sam to think about. 

"You gonna say something?" John slurred as a deranged look overtook his face. "What about your mom? You think she would be proud of you?"

Sam saw one of Dean's heartstrings snap. He had never thought about how his mother would react. He thought the stories Dean had told him about Mary. Reading them bedtime stories about angels, working two jobs and still being there for them, and her selflessness. She made sure that Dean and Sam got out of the house during the fire. She was so full of love and kindness that his brother knew that she would love him no matter what. 

Dean confidently answered his father, "Yeah, she would. Hell, she would probably throw a party. Because she loved me unconditionally, like a good parent should."

Sam watched his father's face shatter into what could only be described as pure hatred. He knew that this was his warning to get to safety. He crawled quietly to the closet and closed the sliding door, leaving just enough open to watch what was happening. 

When it came to family, Sam was fairly detached. He didn't really remember his mom and he had only known his father as the monster he was witnessing. But Dean was different. He grew up with Dean. He and Dean had secrets and stories. Dean was brave and always there for Sam. Dean was his hero, which made everything about this situation worse.

Sam had to watch his father beat down the only family member he cared about, and Dean never fought back, which is what hurt Same the most. Dean would rather be beaten within an inch of life than fight his father.

"Dad, please..." Dean yelled, blood dripping from his mouth.

John was relentless, and with every punch, Sam felt his heart break a little more. He also noticed Michael cowering in the back corner of the room. Sam sneaked out of the closet and opened the door. He motioned from Michael to get out while John was distracted. He understood and ran out the door.

His father's attention shifted to Sam. His eyes were that of a hungry wolf, wild and primal, as a wicked snarl contorted his lips.

"You!" the monster growled, leaving a bloodied Dean where he laid, sobbing and what Sam could have swore was praying. "You knew, didn't you? And you protected him?"

Sam remained silent and fearless. He refused to let his father intimidate him.

"Did you know?" John yelled, grabbing the collar of Sam's shirt. The alcohol on his breath sent the 11-year-old's head spinning.

"Hey!" Dean called, spitting blood on the ground as he struggled to stand. "You  _don't_ t-touch him." Dean challenged as he landed a right hook on his father's temple.

John released Sam as he fell to the ground. Sam saw his brother stagger backwards and collapse.

"Dean!" Sam screamed, running over to his limp brother. He felt tears burning behind his eyes as he hugged his bruised and blood-stained sibling. He searched Dean's pockets until he found his brothers phone and called Bobby. No answer. He called again. No answer. 

911 wouldn't be fast enough. Dean had too many wounds that wouldn't stop bleeding, not to mention any internal damage. He needed to get to the hospital now. He searched the motel room for the Impala keys and slid them into the pocket of his jeans. In the panic, something came over Sam as his brother felt weightless as he picked him up and carried him to the car.

"It's okay, Dean. It's gonna be okay." Sam stammered as he settled Dean into the front seat of the car. Sam slammed into the driver's seat, tears streaming down his face. After adjusting the seat, he started the car and tore out of the parking lot, coaching himself through how illegal this all was.

Sam parked across three spots nearest to the emergency room doors. He tried summoning the strength he had earlier but to no avail. He was only able to move Dean out of the seat before Sam collapsed to his knees, blind from his tears. 

"Help!" Sam screamed. "Somebody please help me."

A nurse came running over, "What's goin' on here?" A smooth, Louisiana accent asked.

"He's all I've got. Please, you have to help him." Sam begged, his tone raspy from crying and screaming. 

"No problem. You came to the right place. Name's Benny, by the way." The nurse answered before effortlessly picking up Dean and running back into the hospital. 

Dean's phone rang, and Sam answered without hesitation, "Bobby?" Sam sobbed. He told Bobby what happened, and he and Jody were at the hospital within the hour.

They all waited for what seemed like hours to see him, and when Benny came out, looking exhausted and his scrubs covered in blood, Sam was the first to get up. 

"He's all cleaned up and, most importantly, stable. You can go see him." Sam ran to his brother's room while Bobby and Jody handed the insurance and other things. 

"Hey, Sammy." Dean grinned.

Sam smiled and sat next to Dean's bed. He was hooked up to a couple of machines, but he was okay which is all Sam cared about. 

"You're amazing, and I'll never know how you got me here, but thank you."

Sam chuckled and revealed his bloody t-shirt and the Impala keys.

Dean's face was awestruck and tears began to pour down his face, "Sammy, I_"

"Shhhh." Sam interrupted, getting up and hugging his brother. "You're not alone, Dean. Not while I'm around."

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

_Present Day_

Dean knew Sam was right. He had been thinking about what his little brother had said for two weeks but he just felt better ignoring John's existence for a little while longer. He had more important things to think about anyway. 

"Dean," Cas's gruff voice broke though Dean's thoughts. "Could you grab the lithium chloride?"

"Uh, yeah." Dean replied, grabbing the bottle and micro pipette from the front desk. "Remind me what we're doin' again, Cas. My head hasn't been here at all.

"I've noticed," Cas replied, refusing to break his focus from the beaker he was holding. "Electrons in various atoms occupy different energy levels. When the electrons are at their lowest energy level, it's called ground state. However, they don't always stay in ground state. They can get excited and jump to different energy shells, causing them to create light."

"So, basically, we're getting the electrons all excited to see what colors they give off?"

Cas smiled, "Yeah, pretty much."

"You're explanation sounded way smarter." Dean confessed.

Castiel handed Dean the freshly-cleaned inoculation loop, "Give yourself some credit. You're usually the one carrying both of us through these labs. You're very smart, Dean."

Dean felt a sense of pride warm his stomach as he placed the loop in the fire, resulting in a pinkish-purple color, "Lithium burns pink."

"Why thank you, Professor Winchester. Any other observations?" Castiel teased.

Dean laughed, "Hmmm, I don't know, Professor Novak. There are no sparks or anything of that nature. Maybe the copper chloride will provide more insight to our research."

"Ah, yes! How could I have overlooked to copper chloride?" Castiel exclaimed and slammed down the lab packet.

They both stared at each other and tried not to laugh. Then, Cas snorted in a useless attempt to keep it together, which caused both boys to crack up.

"I highly doubt this experiment is _that_ amusing, gentlemen." The teacher chastised as she tried to hold back a smile. 

Castiel stood up to get the copper chloride while Dean watched him and realized he was the luckiest guy in the world.

****************************

"You're wearing that on you date?" Ruby scoffed as Dean confidently strode out of his room.

He looked down at his straight-leg jeans, boots, and plaid button-up shirt, "What's wrong with it?"

 Ruby stood up from the living room couch and Dean stepped backwards, "Come on. I don't bite."

Dean reluctantly allowed her to approach him. She began to roll up the sleeves of the shirt, and Dean got more and more nervous with each roll. Dean wanted Sam to be happy and everything, but Ruby made him uneasy. She was too smart for her own good, just like her cousin, Meg, who always hung around Castiel. Dean thought it was their eyes that perpetuated his wavering trust; they both had this devilish gleam that Dean just couldn't trust. 

"There." Ruby whispered as she finsihed re-adjusting Dean's shirt.

He went to check the mirror by the door, and, no matter how much he hated to admit it, his outfit looked much better.

"Try not to act too surprised," she joked. "You're Sam's brother, and I want you to trust me, which is proving to be a little more difficult than I thought. All things considered, I haven't given you a reason not to."

The sincerity in her voice resonated with Dean, "I just - he's my little brother. I've got to be there to protect him."

"I understood that, but it's been a couple months now, and you're not budging. You're the most important person in his life, and -" Ruby swallowed, "-I want you to like me."

Dean raised an amused eyebrow, "Oh, really?"

"Shut it, Winchester." Ruby laughed. 

Sam came out of the bathroom and a huge grin cracked across his face, "Good to see you two getting along."

Dean looked at Ruby and grinned, "I'm still watching you." 

"I wouldn't expect  any less." 

Dean pulled the dark-haired girl in for a hug, signifying his approval.

"You're gonna be late." Ruby reminded him as he released her.

He looked at the wall clock and ran out the door.

*****************************

Dean waited outside the bookstore for what seemed like forever.

"Gabe, knock it off. I don't want them." he heard Cas yelling. 

"Come on, Cassie. You never know, you may get caught up in the moment, and-"

"No!" Cas shouted as he opened the door to the store. 

"But-oh! Hello, Dean." Gabriel extended a hand. 

"Hey, Gabriel," Dean chuckled, shaking his hand.

"Tell Castiel that he needs to take at least one of these," Gabriel held a handful of condoms.

Dean turned red, "Uh, um, I don't think that's on the agenda tonight."

Cas's brother sighed, "Well, have fun."

Castiel slid into the passenger's seat, "I'm so sorry."

"I don't think I've seen anyone's guardian want them to get laid so bad."

"Yeah," Cas laughed. "He's something else."

"Must run in the family."

The boys enjoyed dinner at the Roadhouse where Jo, the waitress and a close friends, asked way too many questions about Cas and sufficiently embarrassed Dean. He would keep this moment locked away for the day Jo had a boyfriend. Revenge would be so sweet. 

Then, Dean took Cas down a dirt road about fifteen minutes away from town and parked the Impala in the middle of a pasture.

"Where are we?" Cas asked.

"A special spot," Dean replied as he got out and ran to get Cas's door. "Sam and I come here all the time. Only a select few get to come here with us."

"So, Sam will take Ruby here?"

"Maybe," Dean grinned, thinking about the couple.

"what makes this place so special?"

"Look up."

Castiel looked up and understood what Dean was talking about. The sky seemed so much bigger and stars seemed closer. The moon shone so bright that it didn't even feel like 10 o'clock at night. Cas looked around the pasture, seeing the rolling hills of the property. The whole scene was gorgeous.

"There are usually fireflies everywhere, but unfortunately December isn't the warmest month."

"It's beautiful," Cas whispered.

"You're beautiful, Cas. Being with you these past few months have been...amazing. You've made me feel safe and cared for, which is honestly something I never thought would happen. You're my everything, and I really don't know how I've lived my life for so long without you." Dean confessed, sitting next to his boyfriend on the hood of the Impala.

"You give me hope, Castiel." Dean continued, a tear streaming down his face. 

He felt Castiel grab his hand, "Dean?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you."

Dean's eyes widened causing a few more tears to fall, "I love you too, Cas."

He tilted Castiel's face up with his finger and kissed him, softly and slowly. He allowed the emotion of the situation control him as their lips melted together.

Cas pulled away and just stared at Dean with pure adoration as he stroked his hair. Dean laid his head on Cas's shoulder and let the beautiful silence and Castiel's affection consume him. 

 


	7. The Christmas Surprise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And I'm late...again. Maybe I'll just broaden the update time to the beginning of the week, because I definitely will have it done by Tuesdays. So, thank you so much for being patient with me, and I hope the story is worth the wait.

The snow fell gently outside the window of Castiel’s literature class. They were discussing Hemingway, so Castiel naturally tuned out. This was the last day before winter break, and honestly, Castiel wasn’t looking forward to it. This was the time of year that everyone visits family, and he wanted no part of it. He had siblings that he missed, of course, but Cas had distanced himself from everyone, besides Gabriel. Breaks like thee just reminded him of how lonely he was. School was a distraction, and Cas liked that.

The bell rang, ripping Cas from his thoughts. He slowly packed up his books and headed to the door. 

"Castiel," the teacher asked right as Cas was about to leave. "You feeling okay? I usually can't get you to shut up during class, and you barely said a word today."

 _Dammit_ , Cas thought. "Sorry, Mr. Crowley. One can only handle so much Hemingway. Genius or not."

Crowley chuckled, "Isn't that the truth? Reading it is horrid; try teaching it. Makes me want to shoot myself in the foot. But I have to; he's a literary figure that practically defined an era."

"Oh, is that all?" Cas laughed.

"You show some promise yourself, twinkle toes. Some of the best writing I've seen in a long time."

"You don't mean that."

"Of course I do. I'm many things, Castiel, but I'm not a liar. Naturally, you need work, but it's all refining. You just need to hone your craft."

Cas was speechless.

"Do you want to be a writer, Castiel?"

The blue-eyed boy could only nod. 

"Then allow me to...mentor you. Starting at the beginning of next semester. I'll teach you everything I know."

Cas had read some of Crowley's work and was enthralled by it. It was dark and definitely inspired by the Dark Romantics, like Poe. The stories were psychologically thrilling, the diction was intricate, and the imagery was positively spine-chilling. He could learn so much from him. 

"It would be an honor." Cas practically whispered.

"Could you spare an hour or so after school? Five days a week."

"I'll talk to my brother,  but I'm sure it will be fine."

"I'm looking forward to it. Now, get to lunch. We don't need the state thinking we're not feeding you."

Castiel ran out of the room to tell Dean the incredible news, but then remembered that Dean wouldn't be at lunch or at school for the rest of the day. He said he was having lunch, with a friend named Benny. He managed to ignore the twinge of jealousy when he though of Dean being with someone else, platonically or not. But even with his minimal dating experience, he knew possessiveness was not an attractive quality.

He made his way to the dining hall and stood in line for his food. After explaining to the disappointed lunch ladies that Dean wasn't here today, he turned to sit with Meg when he tripped over someone's foot. 

"Watch where you're going!" a boy yelled as Cas tried his best not to roll his eyes and respond with a condescending comment.

He stood up with whatever food was saved and faced the most recent source of his embarrassment. The young man was striking with longer, curly hair and light brown eyes surrounded by barely sun-kissed skin. He was truly a sight, but nothing compared to Dean. 

Suddenly, the boy's expression changed as he worriedly approached Castiel, "You okay, man? I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to snap at you."

"It's fine," Castiel grumbled. It was most certainly not fine, but there was no point in projecting his displeasure.

"Oh geez, how rude of me. I'm Michael. I've only been here about a month."

Castiel raised an eyebrow in surprise, "I'm pretty new as well, but I transferred at the beginning of the year. I'm on a scholarship."

"Same here. No way I could pay for this school without it."

"If you're not already sitting with anyone, you're more than welcome to eat with us." Castiel grinned and gestured toward Meg, Ruby, and Sam.

"Uh, yeah. That's way beter than sitting by myself." Michael smiled, nervously as he eyed Sam.

Castiel couldn't help but wonder why Michael was so nervous. He was a new student, but he had been here a month and seem well-liked. Granted, Cas had no room to talk; he could barely function in most social situations, but he was still a little curious. 

"Guys, this is Michael. He's gonna be sitting with us today." Cas announced as the boys approached the table. 

Cas couldn't help but notice Sam's drain, pale face, "You okay, Sam? You look like you've seen a ghost."

Sam stood up, looking nauseous, "I'm okay. I just need to go somewhere...and throw up."

Concern flooded Castiel's face as Sam ran out of the dining hall.

"He'll be fine," Ruby reassured, looking just as concerned and confused as Cas.

After several minutes of small talk, Michael bravely asked, "So, who's this Dean Winchester I keep hearing about?"

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"What do you mean he's back?" Benny asked over a steaming cup of coffee. 

The past month had been more difficult than he would ever care to admit. He was doing fine; he thought he had recovered until his past came walking through the doors of Campbell Academy. He felt  the stitching of his wounds come undone, and the pain flushed his system as he felt every atom of his being start to ache. He called Benny a few weeks ago and had him set up some appointments with the therapist he saw after the incident with his father.

"I don't know why he's there, but he is. Avoiding him is exhausting, and then there's Cas..." Dean trailed off.

"You mean you haven't told him?"

"How could I tell him? Cas is just now getting comfortable with his sexuality. I couldn't just drop the bomb that my dad isn't exactly supportive."

Benny exhaled sharply, "Dean are  _you_ even comfortable with your sexuality? If John were to come through that door, would you take that beating again?"

Dean said nothing.

"My greatest accomplishment in life was saving your hide, Dean. I've never regretted it. Hell, I got a best friend out of it, and I've gotten the privilege to watch you grow as a person. So, I can say that you're worth so much more than what your father thinks of you." Benny's light blue eyes welling up with tears.

"I'm working on it. I'm really trying." Dean said flatly. No, he wasn't. He let himself fall for Cas but never really let him in.

"Well, if this is trying, I'd hate to see you give up." Benny declared, disappointment dripping in his voice. "Let's get you to Dr. Bradbury."

***************************************

Dean felt strangely at home on the chaise in Dr. Bradbury's eclectic office. She has posters from Star Wars and Harry Potter adorning the walls, which somehow compliment the rich, mahogany bookshelves filled sci-fi and fantasy novels.

Not to mention that Dr. Charlie Bradbury was a character all her own. Her bright red hair sat messily atop her head, and a novelty t-shirt always found its way under her pantsuit.

"Not gonna lie, I wasn't expecring to see you again, Dean." she announced, taking a seat next to him. "So, why am I seeing you again?"

"Michael transferred to Campbell about a month ago, and I basically completely backtracked." Dean confessed. Charlie made him feel secure, so she never really had to prod to get Dean to talk. She also had an incredible ability to see through his bullshit, so it would only waste time to lie to her.

Charlie digested what Dean said, "Has anything significant changed since we last met? Just to reacquaint myself with you."

"Nothing much. Still living with Jody and Bobby. Sam is just as he's always been. I have a boyfriend."

If Dean had anymore to say, Charlie didn't care, "Boyfriend? That's an incredible breakthrough. What's his name?"

"Castiel, but I call him Cas. He's great and completely open with me, but I can't seem to the same for him. I mean, he knows my favorite things and everything, but not my past. It's just too gruesome to force him to deal with, particularly when he's just getting comfortable with his sexuality. I don't want him to know how much hate there is toward gays, even in the 21st century." Dean felt a lump growing in his throat. 

"Ah, yes. Because you were designed to protect everyone, right? Dean, your complete disregard for yourself and feelings is admirable, but also so unhealthy. It's okay to think of yourself and what you want, which means opening up to someone who isn't me. Someone like Castiel."

"I don't know if I can do that."

"Do you love him?"

Dean just looked at Charlie like she was speaking another language.

"Castiel...do you love him? Flaws and all?"

"More than anything."

"Then he deserves to know. Everything. If it makes him love you any less, then he's not someone you need in life. We all need a support system, and it would be...unwise to keep a shitty foundation."

Dean knew she was right. He knew that he needed to tell Cas a while ago, but a life without Cas was not something he could handle. Charlie's comment on his selflessness made him physically sick because of how wrong it was. He didn't want to open up to Castiel because he didn't want to lose him, and if that wasn't the definition of selfish, then Dean didn't know what was. 

Even if Dean told Cas everything and it all went smoothly, the more immediate problem is Michael. After that terrifying night, the two boys never spoke. He was a loose end that Dean would much rather ignore. 

"Well, the hour is up. Don't worry about payment. I really don't need it, and I just want to get better. Just give me a call if you need me."

Dean thanked Charlie and found Benny in the waiting room.

"Would you mind dropping me off at the bookstore? I'll tell Bobby drop off the Impala."

"Sure thing, brother." Benny grinned, hoping that, for once, Dean would allow himself to be vulnerable.

***********************************************

Dean opened the door to the bookstore to find a grinning Castiel helping a customer.  _Breathe, Dean. You can do this,_ he coached himself.

"You have a great evening," Cas told the customer and turned his attention to Dean. "Hello, Dean. I wasn't expecting you. How was lunch with Benny?" He walked over and kissed Dean.

"It was fine. Listen, we need to talk." He saw Cas's heart fall into his stomach. "It's nothing bad, promise."

Cas breathed a sigh of relief, "I have news for you too, then. I made a new friend at school. His name is Michael."

Dean swallowed hard. "You don't say?"

"Yeah, he asked a lot of questions about you. You must be more popular than I thought. I guess I'm just lucky that I snagged you when I did." Cas smiled and hugged Dean.

Dean smiled out of habit. He couldn't go through with this, particularly now that Michael is getting close to Cas. There was too much collateral damage for Dean to be comfortable with. 

"What did you want to tell me?" Castiel asked, grabbing Dean's hands. 

"Uh," Dean could feel the sweat forming on his brow. "I was going to invite you and Gabriel over for Christmas. Unless you have other plans."

"No, no. That would be lovely. I'll tell Gabe. You're so amazing." Castiel threw his arms around Dean.

 _I'm really not, Cas. I'm the absolute worst_. Dean's conscience yelled as he embraced the boyfriend he definitely didn't deserve.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Castiel couldn't contain his excitement; he had felt like this in a very long time, probably since he was a child. He threw open his closet and dug out the tackiest Christmas sweater he could find and changed.

"Come on, Gabriel! We're gonna be late." Castiel yelled.

"I've been ready. I don't live here, remember? I've been waiting on your ass, pretty boy." Gabriel joked, waiting by the door. "I've already loaded the presents in the car. Let's go."

Cas smiled and headed out the door.

***********************************************

The smell of gingerbread and pine needles permeated the car, which only made Castiel more excited. He felt like a child. He let Gabriel grab the gifts as Cas practically ran to the door.

"Hey, Cas." Dean whispered as he dangled a piece of mistletoe above him and Cas. "Well, look at that."

Castiel looked up and smiled before grabbing Dean and kissing him, "Merry Christmas, Dean."

"Merry Christmas, Cas." Dean spoke as he cupped Cas's face. 

"Presents coming through! Outta the way, love birds." Gabriel tried to slide by the boys.

Gabriel made quick work of introducing himself. Cas was a little worried that Gabe was going to be wildly inappropriate, but he presented himself well.

"Hey there, I'm Benny. I've heard so much about you." Benny's eyes were bright and genuine, and he made Cas feel completely at home.

Cas just had to take a moment to absorb the scene. A beautifully decorated Christmas tree stood in the corner next to the roaring fire place. Jody was working to prepare dinner with help from Dean. The brown sugar glaze for what Cas assumed a ham mingled with the sweet aroma of Christmas cookies. He watched as everyone effortlessly familiarized themselves as if their souls had all been together in a past life, maybe even a family.

Ruby gestured for Cas to sit next to her on the old leather couch and hugged him as he did. Castiel tried his best to keep from crying; this atmosphere was overwhelming in the most beautiful and unsatisfying way. For the first time in a long time, his heart was full, and he could help but want it to never end.

Dean settled in next to Cas and put his arm around him. He started to run his fingers through Cas's hair as he cuddled closer to Dean.

 _This has to be what Heaven feels like_ , Castiel thought to himself.

A knock sounded throughout the house, and Bobby stood up to answer it. 

"John?" Bobby whispered incredulously. "What the hell are you doing here?"

And suddenly, the whole room went silent, and Dean stopped running his fingers through Castiel's hair.  


	8. We're Empty

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm late...again...sorry. 
> 
> TW: blood, self harm

_Who's John?_ Castiel thought to himself. Everyone else seemed to know who he was and what was happening.

John slipped by Bobby and into the middle of the living room. Castiel examined everyone's faces to gauge the emotions he should be feeling. Dean was emotionless; he had gone rigid like a soldier standing at attention. Ruby look confused, but Sam was holding her hand, the white of his knuckles matching his pale face. Sam was the portrait of fear. His eyes were locked on the man in the middle of the room, and Cas could have swore he heard his heartbeat sharply increase. Benny's lip hooked upward in a menacing snarl, the hatred seeping out of every pore of his body. Cas had decided that he wasn't supposed to like this man.

"Dean, bring it in!" John exclaimed, opening his arms.

Dean stood up obediently and hugged John, "Hey, dad."

 _Dad?_ Castiel screamed in his head. Cas knew that Jody and Bobby weren't Dean's biological parents, but he also thought that he would have told him about John. Anything, like the fact that he exists. With everyone's response to John, hugging his father was the last thing Dean should have been doing. 

"Who's this?" John asked, pointing at Castiel. A flicker of distaste shown in his eyes. 

"This is Cas-uh, Castiel. He's my -uh-a friend of mine." Dean struggled. 

Castiel felt a snap in his chest.  _Friend_. 

"Just a friend?" John raised an unamused eyebrow.

After a deep sigh, Dean replied, "Yes, just a friend." 

John grinned and held his hand out to Castiel, "Nice to meet you."

Castiel just stared at the hand.  _Friend._ He felt his heart shrivel up and his breathing became shallow. Tears began to rim his eyes.  _Friend_. He felt as if he was swallowing sand.  _Friend_. 

"You'll have to excuse me," Castiel whispered as he stood up and walked out the front door. 

Gabriel stood up immediately, but Dean stuck up a hand, "I got this, Gabriel." 

Castiel sobbed. He never knew such a small gesture would cause him to fall to pieces. A friend? How could Dean even say that?

"Cas, let me explain." Dean begged. 

"That's the least you could do," Cas spat. 

Dean sighed, wishing he could have had this conversation on his own terms. 

Cas looked at him expectantly.

"Okay, hear me out, Cas. My dad hasn't been in the picture for a while now, like three years. When my mom died, he sort of shut down. He started drinking, and we were never in the same place for more than a month. He's never been very open-minded about...anything, particularly having a gay son. So, I kept it a secret. Only told Sam. One night, he came back to the motel drunk and angry, and I had my first and only boyfriend before you there. Dad didn't like it, to say the least, and proceeded to beat me within an inch of my life. I mean that very literally. If Sammy hadn't gotten me to the hospital, I would have died. That's how I met Benny. He was the nurse who saved me." 

Cas processed the information. It was a lot to take in. 

"Please, say something." Dean pleaded.

"Why didn't you tell me about this? I've told you everything. I let you in, more than anyone else, and you couldn't do the same for me." Castiel yelled. 

"I know, I know. But I didn't want to think about it. I didn't want to remember  because I knew I wouldn't be able to handle it. I didn't want you to have to deal with my baggage, especially when you're learning to accept who you are."

Cas allowed himself to simmer. Dean's actions seemed innocent, but there are still unanswered questions. 

"But I'm still just a friend?"

"I don't want him to blow up and risk hurting you. I'd never be able to live with myself."

"Who was your boyfriend?" Castiel asked, pointedly. 

Dean lowered his head, "Michael, the transfer as Campbell."

Cas felt his knees go weak. No wonder Michael was so interested in Dean. 

"Listen, I don't know why my dad is here, but he can't be staying very long... it kills me to ask this, but can you play along, just until he leaves. Then everything will go back to normal. I just can't handle this right now."

Castiel tried to calm himself down. He was hurt; hurt in a way he never knew he could be. Dean couldn't tell his father that he and Cas were dating, but John didn't seem very to him. The important people knew about them, and that's all that matters, right? Plus, John is only going to be here for Christmas. Castiel can pretend for one day. 

"Yes, only for you." 

Dean's face lit up, and Castiel realized that he had made the right choice.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Sam stayed still as John ushered Bobby and Jody into the kitchen. He followed the conversation, trying his best to ignore the dull roar of awkward small talk that arose. 

"I have a gift for you two." John announced.

The couple only glared.

"Okay, I get it. I'm not everyone's #1 fan, but I've come here to give you guys your freedom!"

Sam stopped breathing while his father produced a manila envelope and squeezed Ruby's hand.

"What the hell are those?" Bobby asked.

"Custody papers," John grinned. "I want my boys back."

Sam was stunned. He remembered the lengthy process that established Bobby and Jody as the boys' guardians. It felt so long ago and was now unraveling right before his eyes. 

"Over my dead body." Jody hissed. 

Bobby grabbed her hand to calm her, "How did you manage to get those?"

"I've gone to anger management classes,  _and_ I've been sober for a year. I went to some therapy to get over Mary's death. I'm ready to a dad again."

"Do you even know what you've put Dean through? Physically and mentally? How quickly Sam had to grow up?" Jody spat, her eyes as cold and biting as her words.

"I feel terrible about that, but I've gotten help. Plus, Dean has probably grown out of that phase anyway. So, it's not important. I'm in the process of buying a house here, so they won't have to move schools. But the down payment has drained my funds, so I was going to ask if I could stay here until I close on the house and get it ready to move into."

"You can stay, but let me make something very clear. They're  _my_ boys. I've been there for them unconditionally, and it's not me that you have to convince. Sam turned fourteen and, by law, has the choice to stay here. And Dean will be eighteen next month, and you will have no right to custody over him. So, until they want to leave this house, I will  _not_ be signing those papers." Jody said through clenched teeth and turned to leave the kitchen. 

John turned to Bobby, looking for sympathy or clarification.

Bobby shrugged, "You heard her."

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Dean and Cas came back into the most deafening silence. John and Bobby were in the kitchen and Jody was no where to be found. 

"Well, I guess we should start opening presents. Dinner will be ready in a bit." Bobby decided. 

"What about Jody?" Dean asked.

"Uh, she'll be out in a minute."

Dean looked down the hall reluctantly began to distribute the gifts. 

The tension seemed to dissolve as people began to open their gifts. Ruby practically mauled Sam when she opened the heart-shaped ruby earrings, and Benny fawned over his new pocket knife from Dean. Sam had gotten Dean an unique amulet. It was a golden head with the horns of a bull. He smiled at his brother and immediately put it on. Sam, Gabriel, and Bobby were incredibly moved by Castiel's written gifts. Dean was so proud of Cas and his generosity. He watched Cas open his gift. He saw his face light up as Cas pulled out the personally engraved journal. It took everything Dean had not to hug his boyfriend. 

"Thank you, Dean. It's perfect." Cas smiled. "Open yours."

Dean grabbed the metallic green box and began to tear away the paper. He gently removed the blue lid of the box to reveal a white, starchy  fabric. Dean raised an eyebrow and looked at Cas, who only grinned.

Dean pulled out the fabric and saw that it was a lab coat with his name embroidered on it. 

"What's this?" Dean asked genuinely confused. 

"It's a lab coat. Think of it as a token of encouragement. I know you weren't planning on going to college, but you can still apply if you change your mind.  I know you would be an amazing chemist." Castiel beamed. 

Dean was in love. If he wasn't sure before, he definitely was now. Castiel was everything that had been missing in his life. Encouraging, loving, caring, and selflessness. He wanted to reach over and kiss this perfect man, but the bruiting presence at the kitchen bar kept him tethered to his seat. 

"Thanks, Cas. Dean choked as he repressed his love for his angel. 

*********************************************

"Dean?" Sam inquired, pushing the bedroom door open. 

"Yeah?" Dean replied, staring at Castiel's gift, running his fingers over the stiff fabric and hoping Cas could feel how much he loved him.

"I overheard dad, Jody, and Bobby talking today, and dad wants to try and get custody back."

Dean's world stopped turning. Not only was he staying down the hall, but John was actually trying to get him and Sam back?

"I doubt anything will be decided by your birthday, so you'll probably be in the clear, but I don't know what to do."

"Tell him no," Dean said, frankly. "You're of age, and the courts always appeal to the child's interest."

Sam knew that all he had to say was "no", but rejecting your father is completely different when a judge is making it a binding contract.

"You've always been better without him, Sam. Always. He'll only hold you back." Dean confessed, as if he had experienced it himself. 

He wished he was as strong as Sam. Sam had been standing up to their father for years, and Dean couldn't even claim his boyfriend in front of him. 

"He bought a house, you know." Sam mentioned, making his way to the door. "He's going to be around, no matter was we choose. So, I suggest that you tell him the truth about Cas. Plus, if you wait until after your birthday, you can charge him if he jumps you. Hopefully, he'll get a more suitable punishment, one that will actually hurt him."

It crushed Dean how morbid Sam thought when it came to their father. There was honesty in his words, though. John didn't care that he lost his kids. He was probably relieved; one less thing to remind him of Mary. He's always rejected her passing, and that confused Dean until now. He always knew his dad was rough around the edges, but his mother smoothed them out. She made him a better man, and he relied so heavily on her that he collapsed when she died. She was his foundation.

The idea manifested a sort of empathy within Dean. Castiel smoothed Dean's rough edges. He held Dean together. His stomach sank,  _You're nothing like your dad_.

Those words lulled him into what would become a series of nightmares.

******************************************************

_Tires screeching. Glass shattering. Metal bending and warping. The cover of the night could not hide the horror of the scene. Dean forced the car door open and rolled out of the horrific mess. He saw the barely conscious figures of Sam, John, and Castiel._

_Benny placed a shaky hand on Dean's shoulder, "I will only have time to save two of them. I hate to do this to you, brother, but you've gotta choose."_

_Dean knew who he wanted to choose, but there was something that prevented him from actually saying it._ Come on, just say it. 

_"Cas and Sam," Dean said, hurriedly, as if he was worried he would change his mind._

_Dean's world began to spin as Benny and his team began cutting Sam and Castiel out of the car. A falling sensation overcame his body as he fell through what could only be described as a wormhole._

_He felt the breath leave his lungs as he landed on a hard, concrete floor. His flannel and leather jacket were replaced with a white t-shirt, and a shade of his father materialized in the corner of the dingy room._

_"I died, Dean. You let me die!" the ghost yelled as a familiar sting shot through Dean's arm. He looked down to see a bloody gash on his forearm._

_His father took a step closer, revealing the mangled figure Dean saw in the car; the pain worsened, "How could you let your father die? You let your faggot boyfriend live over me!"_

_Every word cut a new gash. The white shirt absorbed to crimson liquid as Dean's head spun._

_The world went black._

Dean woke with a start, his head reeling. He threw open his bedside table drawer and found the razor that has been keeping him company for the past few months. He found an empty patch of skin and cut through, hoping the bleeding would clear the chaos in his head.

The chaos was replaced with a dizzy numbness. He couldn't cry. No matter how badly he wanted to. He had no tears; they had dried up with any sense of dignity he had left. John living with them had taken a toll on Dean. He could never be himself, and he and Cas rarely saw each other outside of school. The new semester meant new classes, so even at school, Dean only saw Cas at lunch. Dean't paranoia lead to this numbness and distance. It was killing Cas, and Dean knew he couldn't keep this up much longer. 

Sam had tried countless times to help him, but nothing worked. Dean had completely relapsed, and there were no words to describe how much he hated himself for it.  His therapy had never prepared him for dealing with his father. Honestly, no one thought that John would ever have a chance to gets custody back. There was very little that Dean felt he could control in this situation, but he couldn't keep hurting Cas. It wasn't fair.

**********************************************

Dean stood outside the bookstore for several minutes while he worked up the nerve to call Cas. He needed to do this. He was a mess, and Cas didn't deserve that.

He dialed Cas's number.

"Dean?" Cas answered, excitement clear in his voice.

"I'm outside. Could you let me in?"

"Of course. I'll be right down."

As the boys made their way upstairs, Dean felt sick. He could barely stomach the idea of leaving Cas. At this point, he was thinking that he couldn't go through with it. 

"I feel like we haven't spent time together in weeks." Cas cheered as he hugged Dean. 

"That's kinda what I need to talk to you about, Cas. I haven't been me since my dad got here, and that's not fair to you."

"It's fine, Dean. It's just a rough patch-"

"Is that what you have to tell yourself to deal with the pain I'm causing you? And don't you dare lie to me and say that I haven't hurt you in the past few months. You act so strong, like the distance and lack of affection doesn't bother you, but I know it does. I'm fucked up, Cas. I can't be the man that you deserve." Dean quaked. 

"Dean, this isn't what I think it is?" Castiel's voice cracked. 

"It is. I'm sorry, Cas." Dean said, flatly. The burn behind his eyes reminding him of the tears he didn't have.

"You can't do this, Dean. We can get through it. I love you. Please don't do this." Castiel sobbed. 

"I have to, Cas."

"Don't you love me?" Castiel shouted, desperate to have Dean stay. 

"No," Dean trembled, leaving the loft. 

The lie burned in Dean's throat, but that's why we did it. Because he loved him. 


	9. Those Who Matter Don't Mind

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is a little short, but next chapter will be great. I have lots of ideas.

Castiel didn't want to move. He was empty. He didn't want to believe that Dean had walked of his life a week ago and he did next to nothing to stop him. He just let him leave. What kind of person lets the love of his life go so easily?  _A shitty one_ , he decided.

Although, he wasn't too surprised about the events that transpired a week ago. Dean had been distant for weeks and ignored all of Cas's attempts to see him. Paranoia, he guessed. Castiel tried to understand how one person could ruin another so easily and in such radically different ways. How John can cause Dean such fear while Dean can make Cas feel so vacant. 

The absolute last thing Castiel wanted was to go to school. He could afford a personal day, but he knew he would miss something important. Plus, it would make Cas at least pretend he was okay; wallowing in these negative feelings couldn't be healthy. Well, neither is repressing them, but repressing is the lesser of two evils.

It was the alluring scent of pancakes that eventually made Cas get out of bed. He sulked into the kitchen an hour sooner than he was accustom.

"Morning, beautiful!" Gabriel sang as he danced around the kitchen.

Castiel had let Gabriel know what happened, which lead to the string of kind acts he was witnessing. Regardless, Cas appreciated having him around. 

"He was right, you know." Gabe interjected.

"Who was?" Cas responded, cocking his head to the side.

"Dean. He wasn't the man you deserved."

"Gabe, I really don't want to talk about it."

"And I won't make you," his brother reassured. "Just, the guy you need to be with will claim you, no matter what the stakes."

Castiel didn't speak. 

Gabriel put two pancakes on his plate, "I'm not saying Dean isn't meant to be with you. He just wasn't ready to meet his soulmate yet. The timing beat your hearts."

Castiel felt a warm feeling spread from his heart throughout his whole body. Gabriel's unwavering support always surprised Cas, but he also had faith in Dean and his recovery. Whether the words were true or not, they were what he needed to hear. 

The rest of his morning was spent getting ready in a strangely comforting silence. After Gabriel dropped him off at school, Cas took refuge in the library, the warm words weakening as the anxiety of accidentally seeing Dean grew stronger. The empty feeling returned and sadness consumed him.  _Remember, Cas, just pretend_.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Stupid. The only word Dean could possibly think to describe himself as he sulked to the dining hall. The world was duller and more uninviting without Cas, but somewhere in his gut Dean knew that he made the right decision. It had to be. It wouldn't hurt this much if it wasn't.

Regardless, Dean found himself swallowing his regret every second he was without Cas. Regret dissolved into self-hatred as he realized how selfish that sounded.  _The world doesn't revolved around you_ , he reminded himself. as he tried to ignore the melancholic looks from the lunch ladies. He scoped out the loneliest-looking and began mindlessly eating his lunch. 

A tray slammed down in front of Dean, startling him. 

"We need to talk." A stern voice demanded.

Dean looked up to be met with light golden-brown eyes and a head of coiffed curly blonde hair.

"Michael?"

"Don't act like you didn't know I was going to school here," he teased with a sly smile. "Honestly, you have to be exhausted from trying so hard to avoid me."

Embarrassment flushed Dean's face, "That obvious?"

"To me, yes." Michael's tone dropped, and Dean knew he didn't want to have this conversation. 

Michael noticed Dean's apprehension and smiled, "I'm not trying to get you back. We both need closure. Plus, you're taken." He winked. 

His words stung like a swarm of bees stinging the same spot.

He forced a laugh, "So you transferred for closure?"

"No, my dad moved here for work. We used his stipend to work out a tuition payment plan of sorts."

Confusion contorted Dean's face, "Really?"

"Yeah, that coupled with a scholarship. They sort of wanted me here."

Dean nodded remembering just how smart Michael was. He listened to Michael practice his presentations and was always amazed at the content.

"So, where did you go?" Dean asked. "After my dad exploded."

"The nearest gas station, to call an ambulance. I stayed outside until it got there, but I noticed your dad's car was gone. When the paramedics pulled a body from the room, I ran over there, but it was just you dad." He paused, reliving the terror of that night. 

"I just went home.. I'm so sorry, Dean." Michael quaked, refusing to make eye contact with his ex-boyfriend. "I tried to find you, but I had no idea where to begin to look. I thought going to the hospital, but the thought of seeing you...like that...I couldn't stomach the idea."

Michael's honesty made Dean dizzy. It was almost easier to believe that Michael just hated him. Knowing he stuck around and further risked his safety made Dean sick. He wasn't worth that. 

"I had no idea..." Dean started. "Sam pulled a superman and got me to the hospital in the Impala."

"I knew that kid was strong."

"Ha, yeah." Dean scratched the back of his neck. "Just, thank you, Michael. I really don't know what to say. It's a relief that you didn't just run off."

"I loved you, Dean. You'll always have a special place in my heart. I just needed to tell you, so I could let you go."

For some reason, that made Dean feel horrible. Michael had gone three years without a successful relationship because Dean was too afraid to face him. How could he be so selfish?

"So, how's Castiel?"

The mention of his name was a punch in the stomach.

"Uh, not around." Dean confessed.

"Why not?" Michael asked, obviously more comfortable than Dean was. 

"My dad came back into the picture a few months ago, and I...I fell apart."

"Still a homophobe, I take it."

Dean sighed.

"Screw him." Michael stated, frankly. 

"What?"

"You heard me. Screw him. Those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind."

The bell rang before Dean could reply.

Michael stood up and messed up Dean's hair, "Just think about it."

Dean watched the students file our of the dining hall, wishing the storm of emotions in his head would cease. 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"Excellent, Castiel," Crowley praised, handing Cas all his assignments from last week.

The extra sessions with  Crowley had really been helping Cas's writing and were providing the perfect outlet for his emotions.

Today's session was ending and Crowley snatched Cas's paper and skimmed.

"Very raw. Very dark. Why are you writing like me?"

Cas sighed, "Dean and I broke up."

Crowley's eyes lit up with understanding as he took a seat next to Castiel.

"You feel better now that you've written it down?"

Cas nodded, realizing how calm he felt.

"Good. Now, write down the good things."

"What?"

"Write down the happy parts of the relationship. Remember why you love him."

"I can't; it hurts too much."

"Oh, quit being a baby," Crowley spat. "That's what strength is, Castiel. It's so easy to be mad at the world or mad at Dean, but why not remember the love and happiness? Why let something as beautiful as love be tarnished by  _your_ self-pity?"

Castiel was shocked by the honesty and the emotion his teacher displayed. But it lit a fire within him. He felt electricity surge through his nerves as his mind began to work.

His body felt the physical need not only to write the letter but have Dean read it. Castiel had allowed himself time to feel bad. He had even written it down, but Crowley was right. He couldn't forget the love and happiness, and he could let Dean forget either.

A storm began to roll in as the thunder shook the sky, but it only further fueled Cas's adrenaline. As he signed his name he looked at Crowley with urgent eyes. 

The teacher understood and grabbed his bad, "Call your brother. Tell him I'll drop you off."

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Rain drummed against the window, and lightning lit up the room. Dean rarely left his room for fear of running into John. He had hoped his father would be gone by now, but mold, termites, and costly repairs kept him tethered to Bobby and Jody's hospitality. 

Dean kept replaying his and Michael's conversation, mulling over what he had said. 

 _Those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind_.

Bobby opened the door, sending Dean's thoughts away in a puff of smoke.

"Dean, I'm worried. I've been worried for a while now." Bobby confessed. That's what Dean loved about Bobby - straight to the point.

"Get in line," Dean replied, blandly.

"Cut the crap, " Bobby's stern voice shocked Dean's system. "I'm sick of watching you do this to yourself."

Dean could only stare at his surrogate father.

"I don't know why you thought leaving Cas was your only option, but you're wrong. He makes you better. Everyone needs fixing, and the difference between you and your father is that you have enough humility to accept help. You know, to realize that every Dean needs a Cas."

Dean was taken back by Bobby's emotion. He must have looked awful if Bobby felt the need to speak up, but there was still a seed of doubt and pity sinking to the bottom of his stomach. 

"This was taped to the door." Bobby handed Dean a damp letter with his name written on it.

Bobby left the room without another word.

Dean turned the letter over in his hand several times before deciding to open it.

> Dear Dean,  
>  We've been apart for nearly a week now, and I have to admit that it's one of the most difficult things I have ever had to do. It's like a part of me is missing.
> 
> I've been wallowing in my own misery and have come to realize how exhausting it is. While I have found comfort in sadness, I can't let it control me. I can't let it win. Finding light in this dark time is the true sign of strength, which is what you need right now. One of us needs to be strong, and I will be that for you.
> 
> There is so much happiness between us, too much to ruin with my self-pity. So, that's what I will focus on, the love. I will be here for you. Waiting. Because whether or not you believe it, you're worth the wait
> 
> I love you so incredibly much,
> 
> Castiel

Dean felt an overwhelming amount of love and acceptance. Of his true self...every broken piece.

His feet carried him out the door and into the storm. His heart was finally ready. 

 


	10. Forever Yours

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is very late, but this chapter couldn't be rushed. So, I present to you Chapter Ten!
> 
> Two songs in this chapter are "Angeles" ft. Jensen Ackles by Steven Carlson (listen to it before you read because that's what Dean's voice sounds like) and "Faithfully" by Journey. Enjoy!

The rain stung Dean's face. Whether it was from the wind or his speed, he didn't know. All he knew was that Cas wasn't his and that it wasn't okay. He didn't have any time to think; he just ran. No Impala. No jacket. No plan. And it couldn't have felt more right. It was liberating, like the water was washing away the last three months. 

A laugh escaped his mouth. Not a light, airy laugh. This one was guttural and hearty and satisfying. Dean began to pick up speed as the laughter continued. He jumped in the air, whooping and hollering. His life has gotten so much better since that horrible night, but he hand never felt so free. He was in control, for the first time. 

Dean slowed to a stop outside of Gabriel's bookstore. He didn't have time or a phone to call Cas. He looked around to find a tree near a small balcony. He had no idea if it lead to Castiel's room, but it was worth a try. 

Dean jogged over to the tree and pulled himself up on the lowest branch. Adrenaline began to replace his blood as he climbed the tree until he reached the that hung over the balcony. He inched his foot across the branch to test its strength. It was unsteady under his feet, but he had come too far for this inconvenience to keep him away from Cas. 

After saying a quick prayer, he ran across the branch, ignoring the cracking. Focus...focus...and  _jump!_

Dean felt his feet leave the tree limb and soon felt the rough stone of the banister on the balcony. Using all his strength, he pulled himself up and over the banister, making a mental note to start going to the gym. 

He turned to face the window and saw Cas. He was in his pajamas. He took a minute to really look at his former boyfriend. How his plaid, flannel bottom hung loosely on his hips. How the collar of his shirt exposed just enough of his collar bone to keep Dean's eyes lingering much longer than was appropriate. When Dean's eye's met Castiel's, he noticed the dark circles and the new, darker color. It unsettled Dean's stomach to see the pain he caused to someone he loves so much. 

Then, Dean became aware that Cas was staring back, mouth agape and his toothbrush dangling from the corner of his mouth. Dean managed a smirk before Cas left the room.

 _Dammit_ , Dean thought until the door to Cas's room creaked open. 

"What are you doing here?" Cas asked, examining the damage to the tree as well as Dean's current disheveled, rain-soaked state. The rain ran off his short, light brown hair and cause his dark gray t-shirt to stick to his skin, but his eyes were wild and alive. A light that Cas had never remembered seeing. 

"I was wrong, Cas, and I'm tired of acting like I was right. I need you - I need you to get better. You make me better." Dean shouted over the storm.

Castiel's exterior remained calm and cold as he left the doorway and walked toward Dean. He brushed the water droplets from Dean's cheekbones with his thumbs and just held his face. Dean wasn't sure what was happening, but he leaned into the touch. He would take Cas's affection in whatever way he could.

Dean began counting the rain drops that landed on Castiel's shirt when he felt the hands tense on his face. Cas's eyes looked borderline feral as he crushed his mouth against Dean's. He kissed him back, exhaling sharply as he lost himself in Cas's affection. Cas kissed the corner of his mouth and left a trail of kisses from Dean's cheek to his forehead where he lingered.

"I love you, Dean Winchester," Castiel murmured into Dean's skin, igniting a furor of warmth and need within him. A need to be as close to him as possible. 

He scooped Cas up in his arms and carried him to the bed, closing the door to the balcony with his foot. He gently laid him on the bed. Cas immediately sat up and began playing with the hem of Dean's sopping t-shirt.

"Let's get these wet clothes off of you." 

Dean was speechless and Cas peeled away his shirt and jostled with his belt. But then he stopped, "No."

Dean just stared, confused and overwhelmed.

Cas walked behind Dean, sliding his fingers around Dean's hips and slipping them right below the elastic of Dean's boxers. 

"We're gonna do this right," Cas whispered as his hands moved steadily up Dean's body.

He turned Dean around to face him, "I want to show you how much I love you."

Dean let Castiel lay him on the bed, kissing his lips until his head hit the pillow. Cas gently ran his fingers down Dean's side, as if too much pressure would break him. Goosebumps prickled his skin as Cas nipped and sucked at the place where his neck met his shoulder. Dean tugged at Cas's t-shirt, wanting to feel his skin on his. He needed it. Cas obliged and threw the shirt on the ground. He bent down to kiss, but a hand stopped him. 

"Just let me look at you." Dean breathed. He had dreamed of a moment like there. Allowing himself to be so vulnerable with Cas. His hand rested on Cas's hips, gingerly playing with the hem of his pajama pants. This moment was beautiful. He was beautiful.

"You're beautiful, Castiel." 

Cas grinned and bent down and sucked on the skin in the hallows of Dean's collar bone, marking him wherever his lips touched. Dean drank in Cas, letting his love permeate and purify everything that was wrong with him. He let his nerves feel everything; he was alive and in love. 

Dean let out a low moan as Cas palmed his cock, teasing him and driving him crazy. He needed him closer. He craved Cas and all the love he was willing to give him. Cas unbuckled Dean's belt and slid off his pants. His mouth hovered over Dean's bulge, Cas's warm breath seeping through the thin fabric.

"Cas..." Dean murmured. "Please." 

He grappled for the elastic of Cas's pajama bottoms. Cas grabbed his hand.

"Let me," He pulled down the soft fabric and kicked them off onto the floor. 

Dean's breathing hitched as he realized that he was seeing allow of Castiel, every inch of lean, toned muscle.

"No underwear to bed, huh?" Dean teased. "Kinda hot."

"Well, you know, I live to please you."

In any other situation, Dean knew that would have been a joke, but not tonight. Tonight, it was a fact. 

Cas pressed his body against Dean, kissing him slowly. He traced the lines of Dean's mouth with his tongue and felt his outline press against his thigh. Dean bucked his hips, hoping to spur Cas on and sending a jolt of ecstasy through him. 

Cas took the hint and grabbed the lube and a condom out of his bedside table. He focused his attention back on Dean as he slowly pulled off his boxers. He drizzled the lube on his fingers and gently slid one into Dean. 

He tried to fight back the whimpers and moans that built up in his throat as Cas worked him open. There was something absolving about letting someone pleasure you, to use their body and mind to do everything they can to make sure you're taken care of. 

He opened his eyes to see Cas, staring at him lovingly, intently. Making sure that he wasn't hurting and that he was comfortable. 

"Is this good for you, baby?" Cas asked, lips pressing against Dean's neck. 

Dean nodded, "More."

Cas obeyed and slid in another slick finger, thrusting and crooking them in and out. 

Dean's hands gripped his sheets and a groan escaped his mouth. He couldn't wait much longer. He needed to feel all of Cas; he needed to feel complete for the first time in his life. 

"Cas, now," Dean begged. 

Cas shakily put on the condom, his inexperience finally shining through.

"Don't be nervous," Dean whispered, grabbing his lover's arms. "I'll help you." 

Cas smiled faintly, squeezing some lube on his length, just to be cautious, and gently pushed himself into Dean. 

Dean winced, feeling the sharp pain surged through his nerves and squeezing Cas's arms. Cas stopped and began to quiver. 

"None of that," Dean cooed, cupping Cas's face. "Just take it slowly."

He coached Cas through this process, letting him know when he was ready for more. When Castiel's hips finally grazed his, Dean couldn't help but grin. 

"I'm ready, angel." Dean purred, and Cas began slowly moving his hips.

Dean moved his hips against Cas, helping establish a steady rhythm, then he lost himself. He dug his nail into Cas's back as a moan ripped from his throat.

"Dammit, Cas," Dean groaned, dragging his fingers down Castiel's back, leaving hot tracks in their wake. 

He felt Cas slowly unravel as he picked up his pace and his breathing became shallow.

In this moment, they were one. Two souls intertwining in a fury of white hot passion. A moment where they gave themselves to each other. 

He felt Cas brushed against his prostate, "Right there, baby." Dean whimpered, wrapping his legs around Cas's waist and grinding against each thrust. 

"Dean, I'm -" Cas stammered, voice pinched and raspy.

"I'm close too, sweetheart. Don't stop." Dean instructed. 

An wicked grin contorted Cas face as he slowed down, making each movement agonizingly slow so he could watch Dean melt beneath hi,. Dean came undone, looking into Cas's lust-blown eyes and seeing the primal need to satisfy him. He pulled Cas down to kiss him, his tongue slipping into his partner's mouth. He loved how easy it was to love Castiel, and he loved how he was never letting go again. 

"Fuck...Cas," Dean called out as he came between the two of them. The euphoria over took his senses, speckling his vision with bright spots. 

Seconds later, Dean saw Cas's fingers dig into the sheets, "Just let go, Cas."

"God, Dean," Cas moaned as he came, slowing his movement and nearly collapsing on Dean. 

"Amazing. You're absolutely amazing," Dean murmured, helping Cas stand up and balance. 

Cas tossed the condom in the trash and fumbled around for his pants. Dean grabbed a tissue to himself up. 

"Don't worry about those. C'mere." Dean said with open arms. 

Cas grinned and crawled in bed, allowing Dean to wrap his arms around him. Dean pulled the covers over them and started to play with Cas's hair. 

"I hope you don't mind if I politely refuse the couch tonight."

Cas hummed against Dean's chest, remembering the night six months ago. 

"Go to sleep, angel." Dean whispered. "I'll be here when you wake up." 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Cas woke up slowly the next morning, stretching and feeling around for Dean but found nothing but empty sheets. Panic settled over his body as he shot up and found his pajama pants. 

 _He didn't leave; he promised_ , Cas told himself. Then he heard him, singing. 

" _Someone's always coming around here, trailing some new kill_ ," a smooth, velvety voice ran from the kitchen. 

Cas crept into the kitchen, seeing Dean shirtless in a pair of his sweatpants and an apron. 

" _Says I've seen your picture on a hundred dollar hill, What's a game of chance to you to him is one_..." Dean turned around, seeing him. 

Without missing a beat, Dean stepped to Cas, grabbing his hands and began to dance. 

" _So glad to meet you, Angeles..._ " he sang as Cas rested his head on Dean's chest, unconsciously following his steps. 

He could hardly believe that Dean was even here. He expected to be waiting for months, at least, before Dean would be back, but he wasn't complaining. He resisted asking questions. There's a time and place for those, so until then, Cas tried to calm his curious mind. 

" _No one's gonna fool around with us, no one's gonna fool around us. So glad to meet you, Angeles_." Dean ended his song, dipping Cas. 

Cas smiled at his boyfriend and wrapped his arms around Dean's neck. Was he allowed to call him that? Of course, he was, or was he?  _Time and place, Cas_.

"How'd you sleep?" Dean asked, kissing Cas's forehead and returned to his cooking. 

"Amazingly. Best sleep ever." Cas gushed, sitting on the counter. "Can I ask you something?"

"Anything."

"Have you done that with anyone else?" Cas nearly whispered. 

"Done what? Had sex? Just once."

"With who? Michael?"

Dean's face burned bright red, "Uh, no. His name was Josh. Just a one night stand kinda deal."

Cas chuckled, "I'm not mad. Just curious."

"Well, we have a lot to talk about, so how about some breakfast?" Dean spun around holding a plate of pancakes and one of bacon. 

"Where did you get all this food? I haven't been to the store." 

"Gabriel stopped by with them." Dean stifled a laugh. "He also said he was proud of you."

"Dammit, Dean," Cas hissed, placing a hand to his face.

"What? There's no other believable reason as to why I'm here half-naked in your apartment that isn't short of a felony." Dean laughed, setting a plate of food on the table where Cas was to sit. 

Cas sat down and took a bite...then another, and another, "This is delicious, Dean."

"Burgers ain't my only specialty, " Dean boasted. "But we have to talk about a lot, so first things first, Sam is bringing your work by after school -"

"Oh my god, it's Friday," Shock paralyzed Cas's face. 

"Yeah, but listen, I've got it covered -"

"Dean, why am I not at school? Dean -"

"Cas!" Dean snapped. "Chill out. I wouldn't have done all this without thinking about you first."

Cas immediately felt small and shied away from Dean's gaze.

"I'm sorry," Dean spoke. "Just, I got it all squared away. Sam is bringing your work by after school, and I got Gabe to call Crowley to let him know you wouldn't be there. You needed a personal day, and I needed a whole day to apologize for hurting you."

"Dean, I understand -"

"No," Dean interrupted. "Let me do this. Let me take care of you."

That's all Cas needed to hear. Dean wasn't eloquent. He showed his affection through his actions, not words. Dean could apologize every day for the rest of his life, but it wouldn't mean anything until he proved himself.

"Fine. Now, I have a question." Cas said, curtly.

"Shoot." Dean responded, mouth full of food. 

"When did you start singing?"

"Whatever age I started taking showers," Dean smirked. "It never really happens outside of the bathroom."

"Well, you're very talented."

A heavy silence followed; neither of them wanting to discuss the status of their relationship. But why? Why does it have to be so awkward?

"Go get ready," Dean instructed, taking Cas's plate.

"For what?"

"We have a date."

*******************************

Cas settled on a white v-neck shirt, a warm gray wool cardigan, some baggy straight-leg jeans, and low-top converse. The chilly weather in March was unforgiving, and he figured that this outfit was appropriate for just about any date possibility...at least in Sioux Falls.

Bobby and Jody stopped by, dropping off the Impala and a change of clothes for Dean.

"Good to have ya back, son," Bobby stammered, pulling Cas in for a hug. Jody quickly followed, embracing Cas with tears in her eyes.

The word "son" echoed in Cas's head as he left the family to discuss today's activities. He briefly overheard Bobby tell Dean that John had finally moved out. He wanted to feel relieved, but he couldn't ignore the ache in his heart when he thought about John and his effect on Dean. As long as he was still around, no matter the proximity, Dean will shut down, which meant that Cas could lose him.

He pushed the thought away. He needed to trust Dean. He said he needed him to be better, and Cas should believe that. Plus, he had other things to worry about. He should be hearing from Stanford any day now to see if he got into to college's creative writing program, and he was going to published in an arts and literature magazine for a college in Sioux Falls, thanks to Crowley. He could barely keep Sam off his case about Stanford. He needed every detail of the application process and every detail of the anxiety surrounding the whole situation.

"Come on, Cas! Time to go!" Dean called, shaking Cas from his reverie.

The boys got into the Impala, and Cas began sorting through Dean's cassettes.

"Oh, Journey," Cas announced.

"Good choice," Dean beamed, sliding the tape into the slot.

"So, can I know where we're going now?"

Dean grinned, "You ever been to the zoo?"

********************************

Cas could barely contained his excitement as Dean parked the car at the Great Plains Zoo. Moving around all the time meant he never really got to go to place like this and experience the attractions a town had to offer.

Dean paid the entrance fee and got a map, "So, what do you wanna see first, babe?"

"Everything," Cas whispered in awe.

The boys started in the back of the zoo and worked their way forward, enjoying everything the African Savannah and Primate habitats had to offer.

"Hey, that one looks like Bobby," Dean laughed, pointing at one of the olders Colobus monkeys.

Cas burst into a fit of laughter. All the monkey needed was a trucker hat and the sour, cynical attitude that only comes with age. Just then, the monkey bared its teeth and leaped after a younger member of its family.  _Okay, maybe it just needed the trucker hat,_ Cas thought. 

After an incredibly over-priced lunch, Dean and Cas spent what felt like hours in the Asian Cat habitat. 

"I've always wanted a cat," Cas admitted, making relentless eye contact with the snow leopard. 

"As long as you're not a dog person, I can work with that." Dean winked, leaning against the wall.

"Fine," Cas pointed at the snow leopard. "I want this one."

"There are laws, ya know." 

"Yeah, stupid ones." Cas pouted. 

"Let's get out of here. I've got one more surprise for you." Dean grabbed Cas's wrist and pulled him out of the exhibit. 

 _I'll come back for you_ , Cas mouthed to the leopard until he could no longer see him. 

They made it back to the Impala and Dean cranked it, letting Journey play softly in the background. Dean opened the glove box and produced two envelopes, one bearing the Stanford seal and the other wasn't familiar to Cas. 

"You ready to find out what our future has in store for us?"

"You applied?" Cas beamed.

"California State University - East Bay. Not too far from Stanford," Dean replied. "You inspired me."

"What major?" Cas asked, eyes wide with curiosity. 

"Chemistry with a concentration in forensics." 

"Dean - "

"Don't be proud yet," Dean interjected. "On the count of three." 

"1," Cas started.

"2,"

"3!"

They tore open the letters, as the song "Faithfully" hummed in the background.

Cas skimmed the introductory paragraph looking for the word that would change his life, and he found it. _Accepted_. 

He looked at Dean and Dean stared back.

"I got in," they said in unison.

Dean grabbed Cas's face and kissed him as Steve Perry sang specifically to them.

 _I'm forever yours, faithfully_.  


	11. Bitter Taste

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm way late, and I'm an asshole, and I'm sorry. 
> 
> TW: blood, slurs, and violence

Dean couldn't describe the feeling of having Castiel back in his life, but he knew it felt different. The bond was deeper, more complex, and it was something Dean had always wanted. He did his best to ignore the gnawing feeling of doubt in the back of his mind. Dean knew in how fragile of a place he was and how easily Cas could hurt him, but he needed to trust him. More importantly, he needed to trust himself and keeping taking control of his life. His father had no power, not anymore.

With this new-found freedom, Dean found himself wanting to spoil Cas. Whether it was surprise dates after work or little notes between classes, there was something about the gratitude in Cas's eyes that made Dean fall in love with him a little more every time. And he didn't care who saw. He never really cared before, but there was a different air about him now. He wanted _everyone_ to know how much he loved Cas.

He drove to the Roadhouse, planning yet another surprise for Castiel.

"Ellen!" Dean called, opening the heavy wooden doors to the bar.

"Dean?" Jo called from the bar.

The petite girl ran from behind the counter and hugged him.

"How ya been?" Dean laughed into her wavy blonde hair.

"You know, just school and working here."

"Where's your mom?"

"Back in the kitchen. Why?"

"I need to ask her a favor." Dean spoke, heading toward the kitchen.

Dean burst through the swinging doors and tried to navigate his way through the maze of stainless steel.

"I must be dead," Ellen teased. "Dean Winchester is in my kitchen. Get over here."

Ellen was a strong woman in everything she did, and he was never ready for the strength of her love.

"Can't. Breathe...Ellen." Dean grasped between breaths as Ellen's arms squeezed his sternum.

"Sorry, hun. It's your own fault for not comin' and seein' me more often. Jo and I miss you."

"I've had a crazy few months. I'll be sure to fix that."

"You better," Ellen released him. Now, what can I do for ya?"

A saccharine grin broke across Ellen's face as Dean described his plan for this evening.

"It would be an honor, Dean." Ellen beamed and quickly began work.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"Okay, Sam. I'm warning you. These are pretty graphic." Cas said.

Sam snatched the thick book, "Come on, Cas. I'm almost 15. I can handle it."

"Okay," Cas caved. "Just bring it back when you're done, and finish it before you watch the show, please."

Sam grinned wickedly as he ran out of the store, the first Game of Thrones novel in tow.

Cas laughed and shook his head; he saw so much of himself in Sam sometimes.

Sam ran back inside, "I almost forgot, this is for you."

Castiel took the piece of paper and set it on the counter.

"You gonna open it?"

"After work," Cas replied in a monotone voice, stacking books on a cart.

"Why not now?"

 _He's definitely the little brother_. Cas exhaled his irritation and decided to humor the shaggy-headed boy. Sam watched with excited eyes as cas flipped open the letter. 

 

> Roadhouse. 8pm. Tonight.  
>   
>                              -D

"Such a way with words," Cas chuckled to himself. It was something that he would never understand about Dean, how short and concise he could be. Cas needed to describe and experience; he would never be satisfied with so few words.

"Well?" Sam implored.

"Well, what?" Cas laughed. "It's a date. A very vague one."

"Are you not excited?"

"Of course I am," Cas started to blush. "I'm always excited when I get to see your brother."

Sam grinned, "Thank you."

"For what?" Cas asked, blue eyes bright and curious. 

"For showing him the light and letting him be a kid. He never really got the chance. You've shown him a love no one else could, and it's one he needed."

Castiel was stunned and felt the tears threatening to spill over the rims of his eyes. There was something particularly heartfelt about hearing that from someone other than Dean. The people closest to Dean were taking notice, and, most importantly, Dean was happier because he met Castiel.

"He has had a profound effect on me as well, but I'm incredibly...flattered that you feel that way. I owe a great debt to Dean and all of you."

"Hope you have fun on your date." Sam grinned and left the the store.

 _I'm sure I will,_ he thought and smiled to himself.

***************************************

Castiel opened the doors to the Roadhouse and was welcomed by an overwhelming amount of lights and chatter. It had been a while since he had been to the bar, so he let his senses adjust as he searched for Dean. 

"Hey there, sugar." A strong, velvety voice purred in his ear. 

"Ellen," Cas cheered and hugged the short, stocky woman.

"Good to see you too. Dean's back there." She pointed to the nearly-vacant corner of the bar near the jukebox. 

Cas quietly took a seat, being careful to make sure Dean didn't notice him. He took in everything that was Dean. The worn wrinkles in his leather jacket, showing years of wear and cherished love. The spicy musk that wafted toward Cas, the smell of home and safety. His slightly-bowed legs and his overall rustic charm. These characteristics clouded  his consciousness  as he watched Dean flip through the songs on the machine. Suddenly, love was a weak word, one in which the constant misuse tarnished it and lessened its value. He truly and absolutely adored Dean. 

Cas loudly cleared his throat, a feeble attempt to get his boyfriend's attention.

"Hey, babe." Dean said as he turned around.

"Hello, Dean," Cas replied. "Isn't it a little late for dinner?"

"Yes, which is why we're having dessert." Dean announced, followed by a devious grin.

Ellen and Jo gathered around the boys; Bobby, Jody, Benny, and Sam quickly followed. Then, Meg, Ruby, and Gabriel joined him. 

"We are celebrating two things today," Dean shouted as he selected Aerosmith to play. Cas recognized the song; it was the one they listened to on their first date, "Don't Wanna Miss a Thing".

"Today, Campbell announced its valedictorian, which, as we all know, is the student with the highest GPA in the class." Dean paused trying to create a suspenseful atmosphere. "And I am proud to announce that Campbell Academy's valedictorian for the class of 2014 is... Castiel Novak!"

Cas's family and friends cheered, and he felt Gabriel's hands clap on his shoulder.

"Alright, alright," Dean raised his hands to calm the group. "Second announcement, there is an... _event_ taking place in the next month, and I have found myself without a date."

Dean's eyes stayed on Cas as Ellen handed him a dish.

"So, Castiel Novak," he knelt down on one knee. "Will you go to prom with me?"

Dean tilted the dish up, and Cas saw the apple pie. "Prom" was cut into the crust. He felt an overwhelming warmth overcome him, and he let it sink in. His eyes met Dean's goofy smile, and he knew there was possible way for him to say no.

"Is there a word stronger than yes?" Castiel replied as he hugged Dean.

"Hey, watch the pie." He joked.

Castiel kissed his cheek and just let Dean hold him. He was wrong before  _this_ was heaven.

*************************************************

"Quit scratching the leather, Clarence." Meg scolded.

"Maybe you should slow down down!" Cas shouted in reply as the speedometer needle continued to climb.

"Not in your life." she promised. 

Meg had gotten a red 2013 Mustang for her upcoming graduation and had no problem using all 305 horses that came with it. However, Cas found himself clinging to the light leather interior for dear life. He'd be lying if he blamed all his anxiety on Meg's driving. She was taking him to get fitted for a tux, and the idea left a nervous lump in his stomach.

"What's wrong?" Meg asked, screeching to a halt at a stoplight.

"Other than the numerous problems with your driving, this whole prom thing is very stressful."

"Castiel," she chided. "You're  _renting_  the tux. The relationship is strictly non-committal. And, you don't even have to worry about him matching your dress or getting your hair done, or making sure your makeup is perfect -"

"Being a girl sounds exhausting," Cas interrupted. 

"You have no idea, so what's actually wrong?" Meg asked, violently pulling into a parking spot.

"Two guys...going to prom together...as dates -"

"Is absolutely precious. So, shut up. I've never really liked Dean, but I like him with you. It's probably the only way I'll ever be able to deal with him. So, if he wants me to like him forever, he's gonna have to marry you."

Cas just smiled.

"Listen, don't let anyone rain on your parade, alright? Be happy."

He nodded. Even if her approach was a little blunt for his taste, Meg's heart was in the right place.

As Cas opened the glass doors, the scent of musky leather and stale cotton filled Cas's nostrils and immediately felt uncomfortable. 

A skinny, lanky man quickly invaded his personal space, "Hello there. Can I interest you in a suit?" the man asked, whipping the measuring tape.

"Uh, I actually need a tux. A rental." Cas corrected him. 

Fireworks of excitement and potential lit up in the employee's eyes, "I'm Garth, and I'm about to make all your dreams come true." 

A forceful hand pushed Cas into the dressing room, wrapping the measuring tape around his waist. He couldn't breathe as he felt the walls closing in.

"You're a skinny, little thing aren't you?" Garth asked, gawking at Cas's slim waist. 

"I'm also pretty sure I'm having a panic attack." Cas tried to tease, pushing himself into a corner and find air.

"Oh, sorry. Space issues."

Cas immediately felt guilty, "I'm sorry. Here, uh, measure me."

Cas stood with his arms extended and Garth proceeded to complete the standard measurements.

"So, what color  does the waist coat need to be? You have a swatch of your dates dress?"

He stifled a laugh, picturing Dean in a dress. He decided that it would be blue. Blue seemed to be Dean's color.

"Uh,  _he_ isn't wearing a dress, which probably makes things difficult -"

"Difficult?" Garth snorted. "That's amazing! I never get to do a class black-tie combo. It's always coral this, lavender that. I never get to delve into the 007 tuxedos. I'll be right back."

Garth zipped out of the small room and left Cas with his thoughts.

He had no idea why he was so reserved about the whole prom idea. Even the store assistant was excited for him. Ever since John came back into Dean's life he was very hesitant to be openly gay in public. He always spoke about his relationship in hushed tones. He avoided discussing it with anyone outside of his or Dean's house. He had never really thought about how John had affected him or how scared he had become. 

The door opened with Garth sliding in with his tuxedo of choice, "Here, try this. Let me know when you're ready for the bow tie. I'll help you tie it."

Garth left the room, and Cas began to change. He slipped on the crisp white shirt and tucked it into the black pants that rested securely on his natural waist. He snaked his arms through the holes on the black checkered waist coat. He actually really liked the pattern. It was subtle, the different textures creating the pattern rather than color. He picked up the fabric that Cas assumed was the bow tie; it was the same pattern as the waist coat. 

"Hey, I think I need help," called Cas, summoning Garth nearly immediately. The skinny man quickly tied the tie and helped Cas into the jacket. He shrugged on the jacket as Garth flicked imaginary dust off the shoulders. 

Cas looked in the mirror and didn't even recognize who he saw. The tux fit like it was tailored just for him. It needed no alterations, and it was crisp and absolutely stunning.

"Oh yeah, you've been Garth'd." his new friend laughed.

Cas paid for the rental and left the store with a new sense of excitement for the dance on Saturday. 

************************************************

Saturday morning was exhausting, and none of it had to with Castiel. He went with Med to all her appointments which took anywhere from 45 minutes to 3 hours. 

"How do you do it?" Cas whined from the passenger's seat of Meg's car.

"It's a female superpower, Clarence." she answered. 

"Well, Dean will be at the store to get me in 45 minutes, and I will have more than enough time."

Meg slammed on the breaks, sending Cas's head smacking into the dashboard.

"Was that really necessary?" Cas grumbled.

"Of course, now go get ready." Meg ordered. "Oh wait! Don't forget to put his flower in the fridge. Don't want that pretty thing to wilt."

"See you are the restaurant!" Cas called. 

He ran up the stairs and cleaned himself up. He called Gabriel to help him with the tuxedo.

"Ya look hot, Castiel," Gabriel reassured him, clapping his shoulders. 

A knock at the door caused Cas to swallow his nerves and welcome his handsome date into his loft. Dean was truly a vision. The matte black suit hugged his every line, and the solid black tie brought everything together. With his slicked-back hair, he could have been plucked right out of the 50s.

"You look  _amazing_." Cas boasted, finally understanding the meaning of the word. 

"Uh, you don't look half bad yourself." Dean commented, face flushed with pink. He pulled a clear, plastic box from behind his back. It held a simple red rosebud. "I was told to get you this."

"I've got one for you too." Cas grinned, running toward the fridge. 

When Cas returned, he saw Jody attempting to straighten Dean's tie.

Cas smiled, knowing full well her motherly instincts wouldn't let this night go undocumented.

"I'm pretty sure I drove the florist crazy with how specific I was but I wanted it to be perfect." Cas spoke, opening the box.

"No, me first." Dean insisted as he cracked open his box and pinned the rosebud on the lapel of Cas's jacket. A red rose. Very classic. Very Dean. 

"My turn," Cas cheered. "There's a lot of meaning behind yours."

Dean nodded, expecting nothing less from his literary boyfriend. 

"The small white flowers are Lilies of the Valley, and they are known to mean 'You've made my life complete'." Cas started, struggling with the pin. "The lilac represents a first love, for obvious reasons."

"What about the big one?" Dean asked, pointing to the blue iris. 

Cas smiled as he finally pinned the flower into place, "Hope."

The boys shared a tender moment before being blinded by camera flashes. After sating Gabriel and Jody's picture quota, Dean and Cas slipped out the door and headed toward on of the best nights of their lives. 

*****************************************

The night was a whirlwind of excitement and laughter. Dean and Cas met Meg, Ruby, and Sam at the restaurant.

"Still can't believe the dean let you kids into junior-senior prom." Cas said.

"The Campbell blood is strong with this one," Ruby said, doing her best Darth Vader impression. 

Cas rolled his eyes, but he was actually elated that they were here. They all felt like family. 

"Plus, I wouldn't miss this night for anything." Sam added, a glint in his eye suggesting that he knew something that everyone else didn't. 

Dean asked the waiter for the check and paid for his and Cas's meal.

"We better get going," Dean suggested, grabbing his boyfriend's hand. "See you guys there!"

The ride to the dance was filled with an excited silence, most of which was at Cas's expense. He wished he could keep his cool like Dean, but he didn't possess that power. He let his emotions fill the care with no shame. Plus, Dean couldn't stop smiling, so Castiel assumed he was doing something right.

The boys pulled up to the Minnehaha Country Club and parked the Impala.

"Fancy," Dean stated blatantly.

"What were you honestly expecting?" Cas teased.

"Alright, sassy. Shut up and let me escort you in."

"What if  _I_ want to escort  _you_?" Cas retorted, crossing his arms.

"We'll escort each other, okay?" Dean continued, patience wearing thin.

Cas settled for that, not wanting to make Dean upset on such a wonderful night. 

When they walked into the country club's Sunrise room, Cas's senses were overcome by flashing lights and pulsing music. The planned on a late dinner to avoid being the first people there, and they had succeeded. Dean quickly pulled Cas to the candy table and began snacking. He knew Dean wasn't one for dancing, at least not in front of other people.

Microphone feedback screamed across the room and the music faded.

"Alright, quiet down. It's time to announce your prom king and queen," announced the dean. Cas knew she was distantly related to the Campbell family but he could never remember the name

She opened the envelope and grinned a big, genuine smile, "For the first time in Campbell Academy, we have two prom kings! In a landslide write-in vote, your prom kings are Dean Winchester and Castiel Novak!"

The resounding cheer from the other students was enough to move Cas to tears. He scanned the crowd of students looking from someone to be upset, but it was useless. Every face was supportive and happy to have the two be their prom royalty.

"I told you that I wasn't going to miss this," whispered Sam as the boys made their way to the stage.

Cas stood next to Dean, pride radiating from his every expression and gesture. Dean looked uneasy, and he had every right to be. His relationship was literally in the spotlight. But there was something different about him. He stood taller, his smile was brighter. He was confident and...happy. As the crowns were being placed on their heads, Dean reached over and grabbed Castiel's hand. The students cheered, and Cas swallowed all the emotions that flooded and tightened his throat.

Dean had publically chose him without fear or hesitation. Dean was proud to have him and wanted everyone to know, and Cas didn't realize how much he needed that.

 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"We don't have to do this, Dean." Cas murmurmed.

"Yes, _I_ do. I need to do this." Dean insisted.

The boys had been sitting outside John's house for ten minutes while Dean tried to work up the nerve to actually go confront his father. Fear settled on his nerves as the familiarity of the situation continued to psych him out. He looked at Castiel and found all the reason in the world to take a final stand against his father.

"Let's go," Dean decided, quickly getting out of the Impala before he changed his mind.

Dean practically ran to the front door and frantically knocked on the foor. He heard some rumbling behind the door and tired to calm himself. He felt Cas's hand pat his back, calming him down before John opened the door.

"Dean!" John cheered. "And your friend." The same distaste in his eyes that Cas had seen five months ago.

"I need to talk to you." Dean said sharply, like a soldier reporting to his commanding officer.

"Come in," John offered, eyes never leaving Castiel.

The three men stood in the living room, the silence becoming more tangible with each passing second.  

"So, what did you need to talk about?" John finally said. 

"Well, it's less about the fact that I need to talk to you and more about the fact that I need you to understand something." Dean felt the words fall out of his mouth like bricks, but this was no time for eloquence.

"Oh? And what's that?" John purred, beginning to shift his weight between his feet. Almost like he was anticipating something.

"Dad," Dean swallowed. "I'm gay. Still gay. Always will be gay. Time doesn't 'heal' this. I'm not broken. I don't need to be fixed, and Cas is my boyfriend. He's _been_ my boyfriend. Since Christmas."

John laughed, a sort of maniacal laughter, "I know, Dean. Just waiting for the confirmation."

"And you're okay with it?" Dean asked in disbelief.

"Of course not," John turned and dug through one of the side tables. "The Winchesters are men, which means I can't have a faggot son."

John turned back around, this time with a .44 magnum revolver pointed right at Dean. He recognized the fun all too well. He remembered coming home when Sam was just two years old and seeing that same gun in his father's mouth. He had to talk his father away from the edge a few times after that, and in this moment, he was regretting all those decisions.

John cocked the gun, and Dean swore he could hear the bullet lining up with the gun's slender barrel. He searched his father's face for emotion, for a trace of humanity but to no avail. His father was a cold, dead machine.

The trigger clicked, and Dean was frozen. He was going to die, and Cas had to sit and watch. That guilt will follow him into the afterlife. As the bullet left the barrel, time slowed, which made this moment agonizing. If he had to die like this, he at least wanted it to be quick, so Cas's grieving process would be that much shorter.

Then, he saw Cas jump in front of him. He watched the bullet hit Cas, causing his boyfriend's body to nearly convulse on impact.

Cas hit the ground with a thud and a blood-curdling cry of agony.

Dean snapped. He grabbed his father's wrist and twisted it, causing him to drop the gun. He kicked it out of reach and kneed John in the stomach. The anger and resentment only grew as Dean's eyes saw Cas writhing in pain and his blood pooling around him.

"You can do whatever you want to me, but you should have left him alone!" Dean shouted though clenched teeth.  

Once John was upright, Dean unleashed years of regret, anger, and emptiness on his father. 

"You made me fell like shit! Like I was worthless." Dean yelled and landed a right hook on the side of John's face.

"You robbed me of a childhood and a stable home! All because you were selfish and couldn't get over yourself." Another jab colliding with the other side of his face. 

"Well, not anymore." Dean whispered, throwing an uppercut at his father's chin. 

John staggered backwards and tripped over his own feet. He fell backwards, head hitting the edge of the coffee table. Dean ran to Cas, picking him up and holding him. 

"Dean," Cas's raspy voice whispered.

"Cas," Dean replied, sounding desperate for any kind of communication.

"I love you," Cas's eyes flickered shut.

Dean panicked and searched for a pulse. It was faint, but he found it. He found a towel and pressed it against the bullet wound. Cas had lost a lot of blood, and Dean couldn't lose him now. He fumbled around for his phone. 

"Benny?" Dean tried to scream but his voice was hoarse. "I really need you. Cas is hurt. Lost a lot of blood. I can't lose him, Benny. I just can't."

Benny instructed Dean to rush Cas to the hospital and he would take care of it from there. An ambulance would be too slow, and Benny didn't know the severity of the wound. He wouldn't be able to live with himself if Cas died because he was waiting on an ambulance.

Dean rummaged through his father's pockets, finding his phone and dialing 911. He threw the phone on John's chest so, if anything, the operator would here the labored breathing.

Dean returned to Cas. Keeping the towel pressed into the wound, he cradled Cas in his arms and headed out of the house. He let himself cry. Not just one tear, but many. The raw, ugly cry reserved from moments of indescribable sadness. Like when the person you love most takes a bullet for you.

Dean left the house; the last thing he heard was a muffled voice, "911, what's your emergency?"


	12. Hope

The hustle and bustle of the emergency room kept Dean on edge. The minute he arrived they took Cas away and have told Dean nothing. He couldn't sit still. If he wasn't pacing, he was bouncing his knees or running his hands through his hair. He kept looking to Benny, even though he knew there isn't a lot he could do. 

"Is there a Gabriel Novak in here?" a doctor asked, his surgical uniform still on.

Dean stood up and ran to the doctor.

"Is he okay?" Dean asked breathlessly.

"Are you his brother?"

"No, but I'm his boyfriend. Tell me what's wrong with him." Dean grabbed the doctor's arms.

"I can't," the doctor grumbled, removing Dean's hands. "The state doesn't acknowledge...those relationships. I can only speak to his brother." 

"Are you saying my relationship isn't legitimate?" Dean's voice rose, still hoarse from his confrontation with his father. 

"Legally, no," the doctor answered curtly.

Gabriel put a hand on Dean's shoulder and sat him down, reassuring him that he would tell him everything. 

Anger boiled in Dean's veins, and he wanted to scream. He knew it wouldn't help, but it would make him feel better. He gripped the armrests of the chair instead. His jaw was hard as his knuckles turned white. He was a bomb just waiting to explode

"Dean," Gabriel murmured and sat down next to him. 

He looked at Cas's older brother, desperate for good news.

"So, they had to operate because the bullet was lodged in the joint of his shoulder."

"But..." Dean sighed. 

"But, it also shattered the bone on impact. A piece of the bone scraped an artery in his arm and caused the wall of the blood vessel to weaken, leading to an aneurysm. He'll be okay, but he has to have two more surgeries: one to put in a stent and stop the bleeding and one to fix his shoulder. It's gonna be a while before even I can see him."

"This is all my fault," Dean whispered. Angry tears streamed down his face as he refused to absorb any of the bad news he just received. "It's my fault. I should have just let him shoot me." Dean fell apart, tears falling faster and regret heavy in his voice.

"Don't you dare talk like that," Gabriel pulled him into a hug, tight and secure. "This isn't even remotely your fault. You saved him."

Dean squeezed Gabriel and sobbed into his shoulder, guilt festering in his throat.

"I'm so sorry," he wailed.

"Shhh," Gabriel cooed, not letting go of Dean. "You have nothing to be sorry for." 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The room was bright and blurry. The light and sounds hurt Castiel's head. His senses adjusted as he tried to remember the last time he was conscious. Cas tried to sit up and felt a sharp pain in his shoulder. He saw the bandaging around the wound, uncovered by the hospital gown that clung to his left shoulder.

"Mornin', Cas," Benny grinned, entering the room dressed in green scrubs.

"Benny? How long have I been out?" Cas asked, trying to figure out how to work the bed.

"You've been in and out of surgery for about two days, and here, let me help you." Benny offered, adjusting the bed so Cas could sit up. "Also, here's breakfast."

The tray had a stack of three pancakes and a cup of fruit. Cas dug in as Benny started attaching a cold brace on his shoulder.

"What's that?" Cas asked, mouth full. 

"It's called a Cryo cuff. It ices the area to bring down the swelling and ease the soreness. We'll send one home with you when you can check out, which will probably be tomorrow." 

"Is Dean here?"

"He hasn't left," Benny laughed. "I had to run and get him clothes and sneak him into a shower in one of the rooms. He hasn't left since you got here."

"When can he come back here?"

"Uh, visiting hours started about five minutes ago..." Benny trailed off, looking at his watch.

There was a squeal outside the door, like boots sliding across tile and a crash.

"Son of a bitch!"

"There he is," Benny and Cas said in unison.

Dean burst throught the door looking exhausted. Dark circles were etched under his bloodshot eyes. 

"Castiel," Dean whispered and cupped his boyfriend's face.

"Dean," Cas hummed, leaning into the touch.

"Gross," Benny interrupted, changing Cas's fluid IV bag.

"Shut up," Dean retorted, then focused on Cas. He leaned in and kissed him.

Castiel kissed back, becoming very aware of the IVs in his arm. They limited him, but he knew Dean could fell how much he loved him.

"I'm sorry, Cas," Dean quaked. He wanted to cry, but Cas could see that he had no tears left. 

"Hey, hey," Cas tilted Dean's head up to meet his eyes, "don't be sorry. I would do it again and again if it meant you were safe. Dean, I love you. This was my choice."

"But-" Dean started.

"But nothing. Some people take a metaphorical bullet for their partner. Mine just happened to be literal," Cas laughed.

The light returned to Dean's eyes, and he laid his head right over Cas's heart.

"I'm okay, baby," he murmured into Dean's hair. "You can rest now."

*********************************************

Cas slid out of his bed and put his sling on. He was released from the hospital a week ago, and he was finally getting used to the routine. This was the first morning that Dean wasn't there when he woke up. He had been waiting on Cas hand and foot since he'd gotten back.

"You're supposed to call when you get up," Dean chastised while putting away groceries.

Cas grinned, sitting down at the table, "I'm not completely useless, just  _mostly_ useless."

"Is cereal okay this morning?" Dean asked.

"That's fine," Cas replied. "At least let me grab the bowl. It's on the bottom shelf."

"No," Dean ordered, "the doctor said no strenuous movement."

Cas gave up and pouted in his seat.

"How's the speech going?"

"Fine. Mr. Crowley is coming by to edit and write it down for me."

"And you'll want me out while he's here?"

"Only because I want it to be a surprise." Cas had been working on his valedictorian speech since he woke up from his surgeries, but he could never write it down as his dominate hand was out of commission for the next eight weeks. Luckily, the school year at Campbell was winding down, and the administration told the boys not to worry with homework; they only needed to worry about graduation practice.

Dean set the bowl in front of him, and Cas grabbed his wrist. He examined Dean's forearm, noticing the raised lines - too neat to be an accident.

"What are these?" Cas inquired softly, trying not to sound accusatory.

"I don't suppose you'd believe cat scratches?" Dean faked a laugh.

"No, not at all. Come here." Cas stood and extended his arm.

Dean walked over, careful to avoid hurting Cas's shoulder, and hugged hi,. 

"You're not mad?" Dean asked, sheepishly.

"Why would I be angry?" Cas pulled away from Dean, looking him right in the eyes. "I'm sad. I'm sad that you were in that much pain. I'm sad that someone as amazing as you could feel so useless. Anger would be a wasted emotion. I'm sorry I wasn't there for you then, but I'm here now. I'll be with you every step of the way. I want to help you fight this."

"It's hard for me to even believe you're real." Dean confessed.

"I'm very real and all yours," Cas promised and kissed him.

He felt Dean wrap his arms around his waist, pulling him as close as his injury would allow and deepening the kiss. Their lips melted together, and Cas felt his head start to swim. Dean's love always made him dizzy. 

"You know, my mom used to tell me that I was protected by angels."

"Oh, really?" Cas raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah," Dean smiled, "and I think I found one."

************************************

The following week was hectic. Between graduation practice and speech preparation, Cas could barely keep his head on straight, yet somehow he managed to keep himself organized.

"Gabriel," Cas called, "I need your help."

His brother came into his room and aided him with his shirt. His shoulder was in week three of healing and was still resigned to a sling. Gabriel was gentle and careful as he slid the sleeve of Cas's shirt over his injured arm and gingerly buttoned it up.

Cas tucked the shirt into his khakis with his good hand and managed to button them. There was no way he was letting Gabriel anywhere below the belt. He let him tie his navy blue tie and help him into his red graduation robes.

"You ready, Mr. Valedictorian?" Gabriel asked, looking over Cas one more time.

"As ready as I'll ever be."

**************************************

The gym in Campbell Academy was filled with people. The cacophony of mindless chatter permeated the walls where Cas stood at the head of his class. He was nervous. He had his whole speech written on note cards, but he was still terrified of messing up. Missing a word. Mispronouncing something. Tripping when he was walking up to the stage. He swallowed his fears as one of the teachers opened the door, signalling the start of the walk.

"Pomp and Circumstance" rang through the gym and bounced off the walls. Applause challenged the music and the attendees stood to congratulate the graduates. Castiel took his seat and waited impatiently as the rest of his classmates filed in behind him. He just wanted to get his speech over with.

As the last student took her seat, the dean welcomed all the guests. Cas watched as the salutatorian gave her speech, anxiety building up in his throat.

 _You can do this, Cas_ , Dean's voice echoed in Cas's head.

Filled with a new confidence, Cas stood and made his way to the stage. He looked at the mass of people before him and felt doubt weighing down his chest. _Deep breath...and go_.

"Good evening," Cas choked out. _Breathe_. "The purpose of this speech is to leave you with inspiring words of encouragement so that you all can leave with a renewed vigor for your future. However, I don't think that we need it. Out drive and ambition have been shown through our stressful dedication to preparing some kind of life after high school. There's no need to reiterate it.

"In my high school career, I have experienced a myriad of different things. The stress of an important exam. The pressures to fit in, particularly in private school. But it wasn't until this year that I realized what I was missing. Hope.

"The future is presented to us in one of two ways: a bright, sparkling utopia of opportunity or a daunting black abyss of uncertainty. One of the most spirit-crushing realities is that the future is neither of those. We have our futures planned, but we never think of who will be there with us on our journey. We have deadlines as to when we'll be happy, whether it be at 22 or 52. Then, when we miss those deadlines, we find ourselves lost and without hope.

"The reality that we need to accept is that life isn't meant to be lived alone. Humans depend on each other for encouragement and affection. It took me 18 years to realize that. It took meeting a special someone to show me that I didn't need to take on this world alone.

"So, yes. Take on the future. Run at it head on, but have a support network. Have an army ready to charge in with you because I wholeheartedly believe that when you take on the world with some you love, you can never lose hope. Thank you."

The entire gym stood and gave Castiel a round of applause. He felt incredibly humbled by the response; he had no idea that his words could be so powerful. He scanned the graduates and found the face that inspired his speech, and Cas was convinced that Dean was cheering the loudest. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is only one more chapter! :(  
> I'm sad to have it coming to a close, but I just wanted to thank you all for reading it. I was very hesitant to even post the first chapter, but everyone was so positive and supportive. Thank you SO much.


	13. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "+++++" signifies the beginning/end of a flashback.

December 25, 2024

California didn't have many white Christmases, so Sam savored the sparkling dust that barely coated the ground and bushes around his new house. He and Ruby had spent their college years apart as she pursued acting in Los Angeles and Sam studied pre-law at Stanford. Both had been successful. Sam graduated at the top of his class and was accepted into Stanford's law school, and Ruby received a contract for a new, popular TV show right out of acting school. Above all else, they made it work. It was the most difficult thing either of them had done, but coming home to her and this house reminded Sam of how worth it it all was.

"Hey, can I get some help?" Sam called, managing to open the door with his foot as the groceries began to slip from his arms.

"Sure, little bro," Dean answered, jogging to the front door. 

"Dean, I'm 25." Sam whined.

"And I'm gonna be 29,  _squirt_." Dean teased, messing up his shaggy hair and grabbing a bag. 

The brothers placed the paper bags in the kitchen, and then, Ruby immediately shoo'd them out. They were hosting Christmas this year, so she needed to start dinner. The couple usually tag-teamed dinner, but Ruby was convinced that Sam would do nothing but interfere. He didn't take it personally, but he did stay out of her way.

"Incoming!" a voiced boomed as two blurs bounced down the stairs.

"Uncle Sam!" they cheered, latching themselves onto his long legs.

"Careful, kids. Uncle Sam's 25, and he can't get around like he used to." Dean laughed, shoving his brother's shoulder.

"Wow," the two whispered in awe.

"You're old," the little girl said curtly, causing Dean to erupt in an explosion of laughter.

"They're definitely yours," Sam scoffed.

Dean and Castiel had adopt two children about four years ago, Isabella and Ben. Isabella was a little firecracker. Her hair was a mane of auburn curls and freckles dotted the light skin around her nose. Her light blue eyes just melted Sam's heart. 

Ben had deep brown eyes and a shy demeanor. His skin was darker, a milk chocolate color. His natural, dark hair was long and full of life. He always to be more open around Isabella; she was his best friend. 

Cas came slumping downstairs, exhaustion plastered on his face. Dean whispered something to his children as a soft smile played on his lips. The children trotted over to Cas and hugged him. 

"Love you, daddy," they chimed in unison.

"I love you too," Cas murmured, kissing them both on the head.

Sam grinned from ear-to-ear. He couldn't wait to have children of his own. To feel needed in a new way.

A sparkle caught Sam's attention, ripping him from his fantasy. It was Dean's wedding ring. It was a white gold band with three small diamonds glimmering along the top. Simple and perfect to Dean. Sam had to help his brother choose Castiel's because Dean wanted it to be flawless. Of course, it was. It was intricate but modest. No gems, but it had a complicated tangle of metal vines between two, thing white gold bands. 

He thought about Dean and Cas' wedding often. It got him through the difficult times with Ruby. There was something comforting and timeless about their love that made anything seem possible. Sam sat in the recliner next to the fireplace, letting the warmth lull him into his own reverie. 

+++++++++++

March 20, 2018

"Just calm down, Dean." Sam told his brother. 

" _You_ calm down!" Dean shouted.

"You're getting married, not selling the Impala."

Dean took a deep breath, looked in the mirror, and admired the cut of his gray suit, smoothing out the non-existent wrinkles. A feeble attempt to ease his nerves. 

"Garth, quit looking at me like that. It's weird." Dean said to the slender man practically ogling him from behind.

"I'm a miracle worker, I swear." Garth bragged.

Dean had to admit that it was gorgeous. He understood why Cas was so insistent that Garth fit them for their suits. He ran his hands over the textured fabric once more, still in disbelief that he finally marrying his best friend.

"One more thing," Sam whispered, grabbing a plastic box.

Sam pinned a white rose to the lapel of his suit jacket. The delicate rosebud looked surprisingly soft next to the gray fabric. A clover green bow dangled at the base of the bud, causing his mind to wander further.

Dean remembered the months leading up to this day. He watched Castiel fret over small details while Meg and Ruby tried to relieve him of some stress. Dean wished he could have had more of a hand in planning but his job and graduate school applications had taken up a large chunk of his time. Between seating charts and flower arrangements, Cas had managed to send his first manuscript to several publishers, hoping to hear back. 

Cas heard back from Fallen Wings Publishing Company a few weeks later. The editor was ecstatic about his novel, which Castiel refused to tell Dean anything about. He insisted it was surprise. Regardless, the signing bonus paid for the caterer. 

"Uh, Dean?" Denny asked hesitantly opening the door just enough to protect himself. 

"I don't like that tone," Dean warned.

"Castiel is working things out with the DJ, so he needs to deal with the florist."

Dean felt the panic set in, wishing he knew anything about flowers. 

"Fine," Dean whined and tried to ignore the fact that the ceremony was supposed to start in 15 minutes.

Dean weaved his way through the maze of people to the outdoor venue. It was a garden outside of a small hotel that was tucked away in the forests of north California. Giant evergreens nearly surrounded the area, rendering the need for excessive decorations useless. Castiel insisted on having an arch of some kind at the end of the aisle, and Dean didn't argue. 

Upon seeing the scene nearly complete, his heart skipped a beat. It was gorgeous. The white lattice arch stood out against the rich, dark colors of the surrounding trees. Dean caught the eye of the florist and jogged over to offer as much assistance as he could. He instructed the man to put the two arrangements on either side of the podium. The cascading white roses contrasted beautifully against the lush green accents. Cas had truly out done himself. 

"Hey, wanna show me where to sit?" a spine-chilling voice called from behind him. Dean hadn't heard that voice in years. He must have been imagining it; there's no way he could be here. Dean and Cas had gone over the guest list twice, and his name wasn't on it.

"Dad?" Dean whispered in disbelief. 

John smiled, "Hello, son." 

Dean felt his mouth moving but knew that no words were leaving it. 

"Castiel invited me," answered John, trying to disband some of Dean's confusion. "He delivered the invitation personally. I guess he didn't tell you."

"No, no he didn't," Dean replied replied without eye contact, obviously distracted. 

"I'm not here to ruin everything. I'm here as an apology and to help you celebrate." John reassured Dean, pulling a white handkerchief from his pocket and waving it in surrender.

"I don't trust you."

"And you shouldn't," John admitted. "I've gotten help, though. Specifically so that I can do what I can to fix what I have so obviously broken." 

Dean felt himself drowning in his own doubt. This was too good to be true, but he couldn't ignore the love and want that was bubbling up inside him. His father's love and acceptance was all he had ever wanted, and here it was, right in front of him. He just needed to say yes. 

"It's gonna take a long time..."

"I have all the time in the world."

Dean pulled his father into a hug. One of security and renewal. One that chased away any cold feet Dean had. 

"Holy shit," Dean mumbled. "I'm getting married." 

"Yeah, you better go get set up," John laughed, clapping his son on the shoulder. 

Dean walked to his spot next to Jody in the procession. She gladly threaded her arm through Dean's, so proud to be escorted by him. 

The soft sound of the guitar reached Dean's ears ass the anticipation began to fill his body. As the groom's men and ladies made their way down the aisle, Dean started to bounced on the balls of his feet. He was ready. He was so unbelievably ready for this. 

He gracefully strode down the aisle, trying his best to contain his emotions. He could save the tears for the vows. He sat Jody down in the front chair and kissed her hand. Until two weeks ago, Jody was going to officiate the wedding but couldn't make it through a rehearsal without crying. She was just as pleased to be watching the ceremony from the front row. He looked in the second row at his father who gave him a wink of approval.

Dean stood proudly and anxiously next to Sam, waiting to finally see Castiel. They hadn't planned on following the age-old tradition, but Cas had so many things to attend to that Dean hadn't had the opportunity.

Then, there he was. Perfectly handsome. His shaggy hair was slicked back, and his suit was tailored beautifully for his lean body. He escorted Ruby down the aisle, who he had become close to over the past few years. Castiel had left Dean speechless many times in their relationship, but this was a whole new level. Words couldn't even form in his mind because none of them would do his fiance justice.

Dean felt himself stop breathing as Cas stood in front of him. There was a halo of light around his head. An angel, Dean was marrying an angel. 

"We are gathered here today to celebrate the love and union of these two men..." the judge's voice boomed.

He knew he should be listening to the judge, but he could only focus on how handsome Castiel looked.

"Castiel, your vows," instructed the officiate. Cas pulled some folded papers from his pocket  and exhaled his nerves.

"It's hard for me to believe that four years have passed so quickly. Four years of incredible highs and miserable lows, but I wouldn't change anything. Very little of my life has been spent in one place; I've never been able to forge a relationship that I trusted until my senior year of high school. Dean, you've been my shoulder to cry on and, from time to time, my verbal punching bag, but you've also been my safe place and someone I trust with my life. You've been my cheerleader, number one supporter, and the world's best breakfast chef.  You've been everything to me, and you always will be.

"I promise to never let you go to sleep angry, whether it be at me or anything else. I promise to hold on to this, even if you feel like letting go. I promise to take care of you when need me. When doubts creep into your mind, I will remind you of how much I love you and of how much I need you. 

"We have a lifetime together, and I have no idea what's in store for us. But I do know that I'm ready for it because  _you're_ the only place I call home."

Tears steadily fell down Cas' cheeks as he fought back the happy sobs trying so desperately to get loose. 

"Now, Dean will share his vows," the judge narrated. 

Dean shakily pulled a crumpled piece of paper from his pocket and began to read. 

"You know, words aren't really my thing. I've always thought you were way better with 'em but, uh, here it goes.

"I know these vows are supposed to be things I promise to carry through our marriage, but I took a different path. I promise to keep everything exactly the same. Cas, the highlight of my day is coming home to you and hearing about the book you're reading. I love being able to be myself when I'm around you and enriching your life one Clint Eastwood movie at a time. I couldn't think of any promises that we haven't already done on our own, and I think that's what true love is. Loving someone so much that you couldn't possible think of better vows than the ones you already practice in your relationship.

"I will say that I love you, Castiel. More than anything in the world. You have shown me unconditional love and ignited a bravery in me that I never knew I had. You continually make me a better person, and I can't believe I'm marrying someone as fantastic as you."

It's real now. The words lift Dean's mouth, and now only the rings were left. Then, this man would be his forever. He felt Sam's hand on his shoulder, handing him the ring. Cas' soft hands held his as Cas repeated the judge's ring vows.

"I, Castiel Novak, give you, Dean Winchester, this ring as a symbol of my love and faithfulness. As I place it on your finger, I commit my heart and soul to you. I ask you to wear this ring as a reminder of the vows we have spoken today, our wedding day."

Dean felt the happy tears stream down his face as he repeated the same vow and slid the ring on Castiel's finger. His whole world was blurry until he heard the words "I do" leave his fiance's mouth. 

"Do you Dean, take Castiel to your lawfully wedded husband, in sickness and in health until death do you part?" the judge asked, grinning. 

"I  _so_ do," Dean replied, patience wearing thin. He just wanted to kiss his husband. 

"Then, by the power vested in me by the state of California, I pronounce you lawfully married. Dean and Castiel, you may kiss your groom."

Dean had kissed Castiel many times, but there was something different and special about this one. Something adoring and eternal.

The couple turned, fingers intertwined, to see their family and friends standing and clapping. Dean even thought he saw John tearing up, and Jody had lost all control of her emotions a while ago. The boys proudly strode down the aisle together, full of happiness and love. 

+++++++++++

"Sam Winchester! You better wake up." a familiar, high-pitched voice sounded in his ear. 

"Sorry, sweetheart. What do you need?" Sam mumbled, standing up and stretching. 

"You can get the door," Ruby said, looking stressed and drained. 

"You're doing great, babe," Sam told her and kissed her forehead. 

"Bobby and Jody got here while you were knocked out, so we're going to eat in about ten minutes."

Sam nodded and went to answer the door. 

"Hey, dad," Sam grinned as he hugged his father.

"Hmmm," John hummed, his volume steadily rising. "I could have sworn I had some grandchildren around here."

"Grandpa!" The two blurs mauled their grandfather. 

"Did you bring presents?" Isabella asked, blatantly.

"Isabella!" Cas chastised from the kitchen. 

"Of course, I brought presents! But we have to eat dinner first." John promised.

Isabella rolled her eyes.

"She definitely got that from you, Cas," announced Dean, walking down the stairs.

"Hey, son." John greeted his son.

"Glad you could make it," he replied, hugging John.

"Dinner's ready!" Ruby interrupted.

Everyone gathered around the table as Ruby brought over what seemed like never-ending plates of food. Sam was nervous. He had been planning this for months now. He hadn't even told Dean; everyone was going to be surprised. 

The weight of the moment grew as the box in Sam's pocket got heavier. 

"Guys," Sam stood up suddenly, shaking the table. "I need to say something."

A hush fell over the family as Sam turned to face Ruby.

"Ruby, we've been together almost ten years, and we both know how overdue this is, but we haven't had time to breathe since we finished school. Regardless, ten years is a milestone and a commitment that many couples have a difficult time keeping. You're the only woman who I can see myself having a family and spending the rest of my life with." Sam paused, pulling a black velvet box out of his pocket.

"Ruby Masters...will you marry me?" 

Tears bubbled over her eyelids while she unsuccessfully tried to find the proper words. She frantically fanned herself trying to cool the red glow from her face. 

"A thousand times, yes!" She finally cheered, kissing Sam with a passion both hadn't seen in a while. 

As everyone settled down, a new atmosphere introduced itself. Sam and Ruby chatted with Bobby and Jody while Cas, Dean, and John plated with the children. The house felt warm and complete.

Ben brought a book over to Dean who had his arm around Cas on the couch.

"Daddy, can we read this?" he asked, tossing "Clifford the Big Red Dog" onto his lap. 

"Sure, champ." Dean replied with no hesitation. The way a father should.

Isabella crawled in Cas' lap and wriggled around until she was comfortable. Castiel kissed Dean's cheek, softly and carefully not wanting to disturb their daughter.

This what Castiel lived for. This is what Dean needed. A family. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would like to thank you for taking the time to read my story. I really hope you enjoyed it. 
> 
> Tumblr: longlivetheq-u-e-e-n.tumblr.com  
> Playlist for this fic: http://8tracks.com/parvusprinceps/only-place-i-call-home
> 
> Thank you again!


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